


Meditation

by helpfulDeathgod



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: D1 and D2 have different protagonists here, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I will add the kinky tags when we get there, Mute Guardian (Destiny), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Shaxx's Guardian is not Cayde's Guardian, Slow Burn, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-08-20 17:41:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20231797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpfulDeathgod/pseuds/helpfulDeathgod
Summary: [NSFW chapters will be marked, but the rating shall remain explicit. Because those NSFW chapters WILL be explicit.]The story of an Awoken Warlock finally making her "big break" as Hero of the Tower. Witness the world change from the Dark Ages into the City age, and only find the will to change with it when everything taken for granted is shattered to pieces. This wasn't her first time dealing with the final deaths of Guardians, but she so desperately hoped, with each one... it would be the last. Her strength to keep going depended on it.Begins with Destiny 2, right at the beginning. UPDATE: Minor Retcon; MC has a new name! Mallida > Evelyn





	1. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Introduction like No Other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might get some of the little lore wrong here and there, but there's so much for me to learn still. I will not be angry if people send me Lore Corrections in the comments. Obviously, some things will be different as a deliberate choice (and hopefully those will be obvious).  
I know that smut isn't for everyone, so nsfw chapters will be noted in this section when they happen. It won't be very often, but it well definitely be self serving.  
Also, stating now, I'm not gonna bother describing Shaxx except that I strongly believe he's a human since he was a Warlord in the Dark Ages and might have some stubble. Sometimes. No colors though, I'm leaving THAT much to the imagination. ;P
> 
> Wish me luck, I have a lot to write and I clearly have a hard time sticking to one fixation, if my three other fics are any indication, lmfao

A guardian is measured by their accomplishments. Whether those accomplishments are a high record in Crucible, the slaying of a Hive God, or being the Surprise Ace that led the Turning Point of a War. Any war really. There have been so many wars.

Guardians that could manifest every shade of light were also well regarded, but it wasn't uncommon enough among younger guardians to be “that big of a deal." Voidwalker, Sunbreaker, or Arcstrider, it didn't matter to the younger generations where you started, because for them, they all started in the Tower. Young enough to hear stories about Twilight Gap and know nothing more of it, some even young enough to only know the Hivebane was one of their own. Some so young they had only just been risen when the light was taken from them all by Dominus Ghaul.

So much weight rests upon the backs of all guardians, to stand before the civilians as undauntable pillars to protect them, unaffected by stress or fear. They held the light within them, thus they must emulate it. Every single one had their own way to deal with that stress, whether it was keeping their tone chipper behind a mask or hood that hid their face or an expertise in deception before the public where they coped with it all in private. Some were a little more obvious among the guardians themselves, among the Vanguard, where any non-guardian might not notice, everyone else could see the subtle twitches or delayed reactions were that sign of stress long since broken on their backs. Little changes that people would take as "quirky guardian behavior" when all their peers could feel the sorrow and exhaustion.

No one was particularly skilled at helping others cope in ways that were truly effective. Suggestions to go out on patrol and cover them while they shot anything that moved and have more limbs or eyes (or less) than a humanoid ought to have. Invitations to private Crucible matches to let off steam, where the goal was just as much about winning as it was about fun. It didn't always work though, especially when the stress was caused by the weight of their sword or gun, the blinding brightness of their light, the heavy weight of their responsibilities. The exhaustion of living when those they cared for did not.

One such guardian, had bent and broken and been reforged anew by her own flames, her own light, and the light of her peers, but there was nothing to be done for her scars. Older guardians in the Vanguard may have heard her speak before, but none now knew who she was before. Until that moment when she had finally broken like cold steel, she had simply existed as a Warlock. Just another Warlock. Something happened that broke something inside her, and the most prominent evidence of her trauma, was a nauseating anxiety and nearly crippling mutism.

Evelyn, now a Dawnblade, could only speak with absolute assurance to her words in the midst of battle. Declaring observations and warnings of enemy movement as her fiery eyes traced over the battlefield. However, any social event outside of combat communication left the woman incapable of uttering most sounds. Hesitant even to cough if it meant too much attention would be on her. Her throat closed up to the point of difficulty breathing if she didn't manage to extricate herself from the spotlight at times.

Thankfully, she was blessed with an understanding Fireteam. First, a titan with more skill as a mother hen than one would have ever guessed, just as capable of talking her way out of trouble as she was punching a hole right through it; a human woman named Mede. She was younger than the other two, yet she exuded a confidence worthy of someone who had managed to hold onto the hope and happiness of the Golden Ages. She mostly wielded Void as a Sentinel, though she was also a fan of Arc and Solar. The other, a hunter like any other hunter, if not a tad more mellow and level-headed than her compatriots; an Exo woman named Echolalia-9. She also went by Echo, and while older than Mede, she was younger than Evelyn, who had been around since the Dark Ages. As far as elemental preferences was concerned, no one really knew her to take to any specific color of Light. One day the Exo had a Gun, then next it was knives, and sometimes a Bow for giggles; nearly unpredictable about it even to her own fireteam.

With these people by her side, and an ever faithful Ghost, Evelyn didn't often need to communicate directly. Her ghost could hear her thoughts and she was never afraid to share them with him, he'd seen her at her worst and remained ever faithful, and with all the charisma that hung off Mede alone, no one bothered to ask her many questions so long as the fireteam was together. Need to help around the City? Oh, the Warlock is a bit aloof, but the Titan actually has all the answers you need anyway. Zavala needs a report? Evelyn can type it up, but the Ghost will edit it (though not much editing gets done when your Guardian is a well written Warlock). Cayde won't leave the "aloof miss warlock" alone? Echo to the rescue. Really, she'll clothesline him without a second thought and he loves her complete disregard to their authority gap.

Of course, it's not always that perfect. There are those who want answers from her only, no matter who has what they seek. The Speaker never asked anything of her, and in all his years Speaking for the Traveler, he could read her like a book. People like Lord Saladin, however, sometimes even Zavala, were more pressing. It seemed to be a Titan thing, really. The lack of patience for a Warlock who spends so much time quietly thinking, she clearly has much to say on the matter. They tend to see her "aloof" nature as insubordinate or childish. Ikora has at least convinced Zavala that she is doing her absolute best, and means no harm in her silence, even comparing her to the Traveler as an acting, silent hand of their Light Giver. Evelyn did at the very least, shake her head no, when compared like that where she could hear it, her Ghost graciously explaining that the "Weight of Responsibility makes it difficult for her to decide what was right to say. She didn't want to mess that up."

It wasn't exactly incorrect, but the trauma that rendered her mute went much deeper than that. He knew, her Ghost was there when it happened, when all of it led up to that one point, but he wouldn't tell a soul until she was ready to share the truth. After all, Echo and Mede had joined Evelyn in a fireteam long after she had lost her first team. Echo didn't know her yet at the time, but Mede was the pillar that kept her going when she'd been broken.

The best way to keep people from asking questions was to sit up somewhere, legs crossed, helmet on, and meditate. It was a very Warlock thing to do, and it made just about anyone believe that she was busy. I mean, who just interrupts a Warlock when they're meditating so hard they even glow faintly with little motes of light floating around them. That and, Ghost knew he just had to shoo people away. It didn't always work, of course, and it really didn't work when she came back from Crucible with a big win on her shoulders. Shaxx didn't press for her attention, he knew she communicated in her own way, and if she was willing to show the rookies what it really took to corner your enemies and win, what was the point in keeping her time. Everyone else, however, was usually a lot less gracious.

Mede did not go into Crucible very often, but when she did, it was usually just to back Evelyn up with a Sniper Rifle and a few Striker punches for good measure. Echo on the other hand usually, intentionally, ended up on the enemy team. It was a neat little thing they did to grow each other and show their fellow teammates why it was important to pay attention to enemy tactics, why you couldn't just run and gun. Sometimes you got lucky, but luck didn't keep your ghost alive when you were deep in enemy territory where no one could cover your revival. Mede didn't like picking sides, so she cheered them on from the sidelines. Despite her quiet, nearly silent demeanor, it was the only time you really saw Evelyn excited and laugh when Echo would beat her, or she beat Echo. Of course, they also both went into Crucible as Void wielders. So it was utter chaos when they pit against each other.

So on the days where Evelyn let off steam in Crucible alone, whether Mede was cheering or not, and Echo was off doing Hunter things somewhere else, a lot of rookies who only knew Evelyn as the "quiet, aloof, and mysterious" winner didn't quite yet know to just what lengths she went to stay quiet. They would hear her in the midst of a Clash or Capture, warning of approaching Guardians with her surprisingly tuned hearing and an eye on her radar, but the moment the match ended, win or no win, she clammed up. Her ghost spoke up and she quieted down. Sometimes they got the message and respectfully listened to the ghost before leaving her be, but a lot of the time, especially with Titans and Hunters... they didn't.

The poor stressed out warlock would get cornered by the newbies who didn't know anything at all yet, and some of them in their curiosity were simply genuine and excited, but some were quite rude. Not the yelling type, so much as the mistaking-silence-for-arrogance type. Those days happened far more frequently than you'd think. Worse yet, it often involved a lot of the same people, who simply wouldn't get the picture. Days like those made her take longer hiatus' from Crucible, much to Shaxx's dismay. The rookies learned plenty how to fight properly from her, but they simply could not learn the simplest of manners. Even Lord Shaxx, the one plenty of people knew best for Rage and Explosions, knew better than to press a Warlock who was still fine tuned to Void Light. Thankfully, her reaction to getting cornered only ever got her reprimanded for Blinking in the Tower. She was only ever violent towards Guardians in the Crucible or enemies out on Patrols. Never ever on the tower.

The pressure to make her speak only escalated after the Cabal attack. Neither Mede nor Echo were available and the Hivebane’s whereabouts were unknown; she was the only one available to go to the Flagship. Really? The only Guardian who could go to the Flagship? Ikora was looking for the Speaker and let her anger get the better of her as she destroyed a Thresher with her light alone, Zavala was the only thing keeping the door protecting evacuating civilians in one piece, Shaxx was actively protecting people with his Redjacks, and Cayde... well, she was making it to the Flagship without him it seemed. Mede and Echo would be protecting people in the City, they had been down there that day, but Evelyn had only just flown back to the city in time for the chaos. Chaos she wasn't necessarily ready for. Kind of like how she wasn't ready for the tone of voice Shaxx gave her as she squeezed through the door into his armory either.

He recognized her power, she had managed to garner Saladin's favor, she was not a weak woman, but there was a tinge of something unrecognizable in his tone as she passed. Hell, he had personally overseen a lot of her major growth as a Guardian in the Crucible. Of course she would give the Cabal war, it was the one thing she could possibly give them since she wasn't nearly in the right shape to give them speeches. However, just as the door closed, he added the slightest request. A quiet, almost prayer like, "And get back alive, Warlock." Of course she would.

She wasn't the Hivebane, no, she knew him, but she wasn't him; didn't mean she wasn't confident enough to take down any Cabal shaped beast alone if she had to. They were doing something to the Traveler and they were killing innocent people who had no chance of returning like Guardians did, so she had to. There were no words, as the Dominus Ghaul monologued briefly to her, only a gasp of weakness and strength lost as the Traveler became sealed. Darkness crept along the edges of her vision as the weight of the world was suddenly too great. Even then, nothing stopped her from reaching for her Ghost, quiet and lightless, but still so very important. Her friend through everything, not just her mouth piece, but truly her best friend. He was so important.

Barely a grunt when Ghaul kicked her across the top deck. Even as the impact made her bones crack from the force, even though the nausea nearly made her vomit inside her hood. The very same hood that kept the massive backhand from breaking bones in her face, though she was in no position to appreciate that, fixated only on her friend flying off the edge of the ship. Not even a whimper as the sole of his armored boot pushed her off the edge of his ship, to fall hundreds of feet down to the earth below. The body has a funny way of surviving the most fatal of impacts in the face of adrenaline and unconsciousness. As a single word was stolen away by the deafening wind around her, her vision blacked out completely, freeing her from the burden of experiencing the impact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I play all three of these characters on PC, though I'm clearly a Warlock main.  
Hivebane (and eventually, his fireteam) belongs to an old friend, though I was granted creative liberty for this. It's not like I'm making money off this anyway. Is all just for fun~♥
> 
> I cannot wait for the move to Steam. Just one more week~!


	2. Journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Journey from City wall to the Farm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's pronounced meh-dee, btw, forgot about that.

Dreams, of light, birds soaring through the air and free. Of the Traveler and all the colors of Light. Of her sword and flame. Of a planet slowly devoured by some vast space beast. Dreams of a forest and a piece of the Traveler long forgotten. Dreams cut short by the horrible aching pains of surviving a mile high drop to the surface.

The former warlock gasped, muffled and silent in her hood. Her ribs were broken, but nothing else seemed to be, only bruised and sore. A horrible pain wracked her entire body with each heartbeat, but as she heard the sound of Cabal patrolling nearby, she knew there was no point in waiting idle. Find Ghost, get healed, get hidden. Get up. Get. Up.

Slowly, she rose, with strength found not in determination but stubborn fear. No light, only darkness, crept at the edges of her mind, of her vision, but she would not die due to her own negligence. If the Cabal overwhelmed her, so be it, but she would not stand idle and wait to be found. She was at least going to make them work for it. Just as the rocky, debris ridden ground was making it difficult for her.

Every step wracked her body, but then she tripped, barely able to catch herself thanks to being hunched over, causing her to clench her teeth and hiss. At least, at the very least, her hood kept her silent even in those rare moments she made a sound. Even a little bit of luck remained on her side as she hid beneath a ship, moving only just fast enough to keep pace with the low flying Thresher, hidden in the shade, hoping desperately that whoever had piloted that ship didn't suffer and thanking them under her breath. Any little distraction to keep her going, unfocused on her pain and focused on moving forward.

Find Ghost. Just have to... find Ghost.

The sight of tanks made her stumble, but this time, she kept low, hoping her movement did not draw attention to her. The tanks were loud, they would not hear her, and the Cabal's funny helmets made it very difficult for them to notice much in their peripheral vision. Hopefully. She had to tell herself, repeat it in her mind, they will not see her. They won't. And they didn't. Not even that high ranking commanding officer noticed her. She hardly noticed him either. Too busy following the little ball of light she could see beneath the bridge.

"Guardian!!!" he... yelled. It was definitely a yell, and yet it wasn't nearly as loud as the tanks or the distant explosions. It was glitchy, he was damaged. He was damaged, but he wasn't broken. She could work with that. He was ok. "This is awful - awful! This can't be happening..." His voice echoed more in her own head than it did down the path as she approached as fast as her body would allow her. Then she fell, and he came to her faster. "Guardian...?"

The remorse, the fear, the despair...... the relief in his voice, it pulled her from the darkness that had drowned her vision as she fell.

"You're alive... I thought I'd lost you." She couldn't get up and for a moment, the darkness began to drown her once more, but he expanded and reached out to her with what light he still yet possessed. The darkness cleared, her injuries healed, she could breathe. Hell, she could move. "I can heal you, but I can't resurrect you Not since..."

He disappeared, hiding away from sight. It would do no one any good if he was out in the open, with all the light he still possessed.

"That's..... fine." She whispered, though he could have heard her just fine without her voice. She moved forward, now with the strength to pick up the pace. Her gun was damaged but it was all she had, and that was fine. She could push as long as she could move. She could survive.

"Guardian... the Light is gone. They've taken the City, the Traveler, everything..." She hid beneath the bridge and stood for a moment, back to the high wall, listening. "The Red Legion is killing powerless Guardians. We have to get out of here."

She nodded and climbed up the wall, hoping that she was heading the right way to get out of the City. For once, it was more dangerous within the walls than it was without. Thankfully... there was a hole at the end of her path. Wherever she was going, it was a long trip, but it was at least... much safer than this.

"I'm picking up an emergency broadcast. Rendezvous coordinates. They're evacuating the planet." Her ghost continued, as she frowned beneath her hood. She was already leaving the walls behind, the hole had been through the wall and she didn't even notice until she was already passing through. How had she fallen so close to it? How long had she even been out? "We're on our own..."

How long had she been walking, out in this mountainous terrain. Two days since she left the City, the Traveler behind... but how long since the attack? Her body was tired, but her Ghost could keep her strength up. Even as she lowered herself to drink from rivers or the rain, her Ghost couldn't keep her hydrated, she kept moving forward. Away from the City. Survive, keep going. Find something, anything. Just... keep going.

Mental Fatigue was at the edge of her mind at all times, no time to sleep. Could only push on. Did she even really see that Falcon? Even if it was a figment of her exhausted mind, she followed it, to the flagged little tower over the hill. To the devastated camp riddled with the bodies of Guardians, no passed on their final deaths.

"These Guardians... they had no chance without their Guardians. That could be us..." Her ghost muttered. She shook her head and pocketed her sidearm, opting for the gun on the ground that at least had some ammunition in it. Not if she still had the power to do anything. Light didn't power bullets and Light didn't help her aim. "Guardian - if you die... I can't resurrect you. We need to be very careful."

"I know." She whispered, only whispered. She didn't have the power to raise her voice further, even if she was the type to speak more frequently. Her hands automatically checked the SMG and loaded it, picking up with ammo remained nearby.

Maybe she hadn't seen it ahead of time, but she took the sudden ambush of War Beasts surprisingly well. Even as all the sounds around her echoed in her head like a distant storm, not here but somewhere else. All of this was just happening somewhere else. She would not allow herself to realize that these War Beasts were the ones who had ended the lives of those Guardians behind her. There was, however, a sliver of appreciation as she curled a hand into a fist and delivered a hard, bone cracking punch to one of the creatures when it came in too close. Mede taught her how to punch right, how thoughtful. It finally paid off.

Once the War Beasts were dead, covering the snow trodden ground in splotches of red, she looked up again. There was no stopping, no resting. She had to keep moving. Keep moving, keep surviving. Follow that Falcon, that vision. Even as the cold bit into her skin, into her bones... Follow.

How many more days has it been. The snow was her only salvation to stay hydrated, but food... her body ached with the need for food. Her Ghost could heal the damage, but eventually her body would run out of sustenance to keep her going. She was too well fit for a Warlock, plenty of fat in some places, but it was going to all start disappearing in a few more days if she didn't find something to eat soon. Any time soon at all.

Twilight Gap. A place she remembered and didn't all at once. She spoke then, yet she had nothing to say. No idea what color her light was supposed to be, just another body to whittle down the seemingly endless hordes. Gunfire, explosions, shouting, death, revive, death, revive, over and over and over…

"It's that falcon again. Is it following us...?" She snapped back into reality at the sound of her Ghost and the sound of the falcon. The cold was numbing, biting, but she needed to keep moving, keep warm. Exhaustion was hitting her hard, but she felt like she was close. She was so close. Who knew what, but Warlocks were good at following feelings. Or so she'd like to tell herself. "...or are we following it?"

The view of the Traveler, so far in the distance, trapped in some kind of cage, filled her with heartache and rage, and yet it all felt just as distant. There was no time to feel, she had to move. Keep moving. Follow the path, the vision, the falcon, but keep moving. She was grateful for the cover she still had, the robe and the hood, even damaged, still hid her skin from the biting ice on the winds.

The Legionary and his War Beasts never stood a chance. Even without the Light, without food, and without the promise of revival, she was not without purpose. A force of nature with a gun and with a goal, no matter how blind it was at the moment, it was enough to make her ride on pure instinct alone to end their lives and move forward. Every shot counted, and she managed somehow, to keep enough. As their corpses warmed the earth, she pushed on. Her stomach ached with an emptiness to rival the missing Light, but she knew she was close. Somehow. This was right.

Over the bend, around the corner. Careful over the rotting, frozen log between ledges. The falcon was near, she could see it. Just a little closer. A long jump that nearly lost her balance, no glide to correct herself. Almost there. Almost…

Oh. Well, it was a good run. She had been so blind to follow the falcon that she forgot she couldn't make that kind of jump anymore, even as she had thought about her lack of gliding or hovering. She just... forgot in that instance.

Thankfully, that tumble (while it hurt a lot) didn't kill her, and her Ghost was quick on healing the absolutely sprained ankle she received on her way down. Tired and sore and hungry, she just... lay on her back. She barely glanced down when the footsteps approached, nearly reaching for her gun until the woman, clearly (thankfully) human, finally spoke.

"Oh look, somebody left a perfectly good Guardian lying around. Things must be worse than I thought." The woman helped her up, even at her own hesitation. No injury, but she was reaching the point of barely being able to stand.

Actually, she looked around and saw more people, they definitely had food. Maybe... maybe she could somehow ask. Just... ask. Easy. Do you have food? That easy. Or even just 'food.' Come on. Get it together. ASK!! Evelyn was startled by the sound of a distant gunshot. Or explosion? It was loud.

"And that's our cue. Time to go, people!"

"Ah, but... Wait! Where... where are you all going?" Ghost asked. He looked at Evelyn briefly and saw the hesitant hand she held over her stomach. Her stomach had long since stopped making sounds of complaint to the emptiness, but that didn't stop it from hurting. Actually, it got worse after it got quiet.

"As far away from here as possible." Evelyn was having difficulties paying attention, the pain was practically blinding. Even at the sound of the falcon they had spent the week following called and soared into view. She was able to look at her Ghost before looking back to the woman, at least.

"That falcon... it belongs to you?"

"The name's Hawthorne. And this is Louis. Best Pilot we got. What about you? Fit to fly?" She looked from the bird back to the Warlock, eyes searching, yet carrying a surprising, inspiring, amount of confidence.

A nod was easy. No one got mad if you could answer the easy questions with the simplest of gestures. A simple, brief nod.

"Probably gonna need one of these, too." Hawthorne tossed the shotgun to Evelyn , which she was at the very least able to catch. Her nerves were on their edge, but she caught it. "Time to make yourself useful. 'Guardian.' All right people, spin 'em up! Got a long flight ahead of us!"

She didn't have the strength to jog after Hawthorne anymore, but at least she could power walk. Just, one foot after another. That feeling was right the whole time. She was so close. Just a few more steps and a flight away.

It took all of her strength to stay sitting up straight when she climbed into the back of that ship. Agony was setting in swiftly as she sat, tense, a fist pressed against her gut. It was a gesture that the people around her didn't miss, especially Hawthorne. Her Ghost looked helplessly on as there was nothing he could do about it. He just couldn't heal hunger, he never could.

"Hey, you alright there Guardian? When was the last time you ate something?" She sat across from the numb, deafened-by-the-pain woman as her Ghost tried to count the days.

"It's been a... a week since the attack. She's had water, but nothing... nothing to eat." He wanted to ask for food, but much like his Guardian, he was unsure to be forward right that moment. These people were already being so good.

"Jeez, no wonder you're moving like that." Hawthorne reached for something under her poncho, but then the person beside the Warlock held out a piece of jerky for her.

"Here, this should hold you over for now. We've got more food on the Farm, right?" The guy said, insisting even as she tried to muster the strength to refuse. No, refusing was against the whole point of surviving. Live. Make it up to them all.

"Yeah. When you're back on your feet, you can help us on a supply run. No point in taking in refugees if we're not feeding them." Hawthorne quipped.

Evelyn caved and slowly, very carefully took her helmet off. No one said anything that needed to remain unsaid. She wasn't a Guardian without the Light, really. No beacon of strength and protection. It was ok to have stains running down the sides of her cheeks of tears untouched. There was no harm in crying when you don't let it hold you down, hold you back, and she had made it that far. Her Ghost muttered a quiet thank you to the man as she accepted the only piece of food she'd seen in a week. A small piece of jerky was her salvation in that moment. She would pay them all back the world if she could.

The landing was gentle enough, the promise of more food and a bit of time to finally relax long enough to recover strength that could not be given to her by her Ghost enough to push her just a little further. She could cry in privacy and finally accept the feelings she was holding back behind her eyes for that entire week. People were alive but what about... what about anyone else. It wasn't the time to think about that just yet. She wasn't going to reward these people for saving her by turning into a puddle of unstable emotions.

"Welcome to the Farm. We've got a makeshift infirmary over there, a few more Guardians here and there lucky enough to get picked up, Shaxx is really helping out with the defense on the Farm, even if he is a bit loud, and kitchen's over there. Go ahead and let them know you haven't eaten anything for a week and they can talk to me if they have a problem." Hawthorne pointed around as she spoke, barely noticed by her new guest. Except the Shaxx and Kitchen parts.

"Shaxx made it?" Her Ghost asked, but she was already walking towards where the Kitchen was pointed out. Ghost got the answer in the form of Shaxx yelling at someone and she barely stepped foot into the door before a delighted yell nearly knocked her off her footing. Actually, it did knock her off her footing. Someone was holding her up off the ground though. They smelled... minty.

"M........ Mede." It was a hunger panged breath, but it was a sound, a "word" you could even say, from the regularly mute Guardian.

"You made it! Oh, I was so worried, but I knew! I knew you wouldn't just give up like that." Mede twirled her around, giving the already weak woman a nice dizzying view of the Kitchen before she was set down and nearly kept going down. Thankfully, the former Titan still had her strength. She wasn't about to let her Warlock hit the floor like that.

"She hasn't eaten anything in a week and Hawthorne gave us permission to ask for food." Her Ghost tried to call out for Mede to hear. The moment the woman heard how long, Evelyn found herself sat down in a chair, something stable, thank the Traveler, and the mother hen of a Titan was suddenly busy.

"I'll make something easy and filling for you right away, just sit tight." That gave Evelyn and her Ghost the chance to see that Mede wasn't wearing armor. Civilian clothes and an apron. And her Mark, actually. Went surprisingly well together. Hers wasn't tattered like Evelyn's own clothes.

In the amount of time it took for the Warlock to register that information, she was suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of soup stock. Either Mede was a goddamn miracle cooker or Evelyn had absolutely just blacked out for a couple minutes. Could be both. A bowl was set in front of her and Mede sat with her. She caught the woman up to speed on the situation at hand, who made it to the Farm so far and who hadn't. She didn't know where Echo was, but she knew in her bones that Echo wasn't dead. That Hunter was no push over, and being an Exo gave her an advantage even without the Light.

Mede was human and Evelyn was Awoken, but Echo... they were pretty sure Echo was one of the War Machine Exos before getting resurrected.

"Shaxx also managed to get a lot of his Frames here. I'll never know his secret, but he has dedicated all his time to training both Lightless Guardians and Civilians who can hold a gun. We're all on the same level right now..." Mede continued, elbows on the table. "When he's not yelling, he's surprisingly quiet right now. I think he's actually worried about something. I have to actually bring him food at times, he's so single minded right now."

Evelyn tipped the bowl back to drink the last of the broth, filling her stomach with a painful warmth and yet a comforting fullness followed. She knew she had started to lose a bit of weight out there, but she made it. Mede would make sure she put back what she lost. It was "padding" for the muscles, or so she put it.

"Maybe you can get him to open up. It's not like you're going to share any secrets he needs to get off his chest." As Evelyn went to stand, a look of remorse on her face, Mede put a hand on her shoulder. "Oh, and no leaving the Farm just yet. Time might be of the essence, but you need your strength back. I know you. Wait until tomorrow at least, please."

Mede was the guiding light she had needed in the Dark Ages. Granted, she wasn't a Guardian yet at that time, but she had still been a big point of support for a lot of people. She was one of those unheard of mysteries that somehow managed to retain most of her memories after her first resurrection, and it meant she knew how to take care of people. That pillar of support for anyone who needed it. Didn't know how to cope with the stress? Ask her. She always had some kind of answer, almost as charismatic as The Speaker, sometimes more.

Evelyn sighed and nodded. Officially, she was the actual leader of their fireteam, but Mede was the face and the backbone all at once. Strong not only in body but in mind.

Slowly, and with determination to keep moving, Evelyn made her way toward what sounded like Shaxx's voice. Hard to miss really, but she hadn't exactly heard it before when she'd so single mindedly sought out sustenance. The poor Guardian that stepped out of the Barn after Shaxx had finished yelling nearly bumped into her, apologizing profusely and didn't get a good look at her as he was very clearly heading to Mede for the more... reassuring half to the "advice" he'd received. She remembered his face, a relatively new Guardian before the attack. A great part of her was glad he survived, but he was still so inexperienced. Evident in the subject with which Shaxx's lecture had pointedly paid attention to.

When she stepped into the Barn, the large Titan had already begun to focus on whatever information was held in his datapads. He didn't hear her approach and he didn't sense her presence, though he didn't exactly startle when she knocked on the wooden supports to his little corner set up.

"What is it, I'm busy at the moment." He didn't look over his shoulder at all, still focused on something in front of him. Getting his attention was usually easier than that, but she was quite literally always at a loss for words so this only made it a little harder. Did she approach him? Say his name? Saying his name should be easy enough. Names were the easiest, though it always made people think she could say more just as easily. She opened her mouth to try, even a whisper, anything at all, when he sighed and whipped around halfway to look at her. "What!? If you are saying anything I cannot hear yo-..."

He stopped and stood up a bit straighter, helmet tilting as he looked at her tattered armor and broken helmet at her side. Something in his shoulders released, like a weight, a gesture she was surprisingly familiar with, as he registered exactly who was standing before him. It was relief and it had washed over his entire body.

"You made it." He murmured. It was a painfully quiet tone, one she had never been graced with before. Even when he kept his voice down for her, it was never that quiet. It was the only way he could hide the pain. He cleared his throat and straightened out, fists on his hips. His volume rose a bit, but he didn't yell. "I'm glad someone around here knows how to follow orders."

She tilted her head, helmet still removed, allowing him to see the confused expression before it dawned on her what he meant. "And get back alive, Warlock." He had said. Her eyes closed as she remembered that, the quiet pain in his voice then. The purpose for his tone didn't click with her yet, but at the very least, now she understood. A curt nod and a relaxed expression was all she could muster.

"Mede suggested we get you to open up a little, seeing as it's not like either of us are the type to gossip." Her Ghost floated weakly in the air before coming to rest on the top of her head.

"Did she now?" Shaxx crossed his arms and leaned against the edge of the table behind him. "And how do you plan to do that?"

The woman and her Ghost shrugged in unison before she reached up to hold him in her hands, cradled delicately. He sat in her lap as she took the only chair nearby and looked patiently at Shaxx, but not expectantly.

"She also told us we're not allowed to leave for at least... a day... so you're stuck with us." Ghost added. She only emphasized his point by smiling. A soft, exhausted smile that disarmed the man entirely. It didn't show, she certainly didn't see it, but it made him realize that confiding in her was absolutely an option. If only he could get her to confide back.

He spoke quietly to her, grateful to her patient ear as he spoke of the worries he felt toward the recruits and the civilians he'd taken up training. They all showed promise, but there was a major obstacle keeping them from pushing further, from reaching their full potential, and it was their mortality. In a way, Guardians needed to stay alive just as much as they needed to push the odds, but it simply didn't come to them as naturally as those who didn't have Ghosts to keep them company. He was doing all he could, he knew that, but it felt like they weren't. Yet, he also knew there was no way he could judge civilians properly after the things he'd done.

His listener nodded every now and then, a confirmation that she was listening, not just hearing his words but understanding. Sure, she couldn't explain her own take on all of this, no matter how comfortable she was knowing he would never press her for words unless it was really important. Always simple answers, yes and no, something that could be conveyed with a shrug or vague gesture. Warlocks were all about their words and their thoughts, so to find a Titan who was able to understand her actions and body language just by watching her fight in the Crucible was a blessing she could never appreciate enough. It said a lot about his character when compared to the trouble Lord Saladin had with her seeming inattentiveness.

In the middle of Shaxx's sharing session, Mede showed up briefly to hand Evelyn a new set of armor. It wasn't quite the same level as what she'd worn before, but without the light, a Warlock's cloth like armor didn't have much substance to it. She needed to wear something with real protection, and without the damage. She listened still as she changed around the corner, out of view but still within ear shot. When she returned to sit back down, her hands still held her broken Bond. There was troubling thoughts in her eyes as she stared down at it, as if she held something precious and terrible all at once.

"Warlock... Evelyn, I have shared enough of my own worries with you. If you wish to share anything... I will listen." His tone was hushed, so only she and her Ghost could hear. He would not push her. She was strong in a battle, but this wasn't your every day fire fight.

She closed her eyes and clutched the Bond tightly in her hands enough to cause the already present cracks to deepen, before her grip loosened to the point of nearly dropping it. A slow inhale, calm yourself Guardian. Straightened back, no point in losing yourself when there's still so much to fight for. A long exhale, before her glassy eyes looked up to Shaxx as if she was almost to the brink of crying and refused to let it happen, a broken smile on her lips.

"Thank... you." Her lips read, and perhaps a whisper too, but it was so quiet, he believed he had only imagined the sound. Her Ghost's shell rose like the closest approximation to surprise he could make with damaged pieces, making Shaxx realize the sound was no figment of his imagination.

"You should rest, Guardian. The fight isn't over yet, you still have a war to give the Cabal." He reassuringly pat her shoulder and pointed out a cot nearby, the best he could do to hide the sudden confusing turmoil he felt. The cot wasn't with the rest of the makeshift beds, which afforded it a bit of privacy. Especially since it was near Shaxx, and he was clearly the type to yell at someone for disturbing someone's sleep. With little regard himself to the sleeper. Ironic, if genuine. "You can take my cot if you need, I have more data to sift through anyway."

She nodded once and stood, gently touching the hand that had remained on her shoulder as she did. The helmet did wonders to keep his expression a secret, she had no idea what that little touch did to the man even as she walked away, his gaze on his hand for a long moment before tearing his eyes away to return to the datapads. He was busy, needed to be. She was alive now, so whatever he needed to say could wait. There were bigger things to deal with than... whatever this pain in his chest was.

Her Ghost noticed though. He knew that hesitation, when their mouth would open to say something before shutting and locking away whatever it was they had to say. She did it all the time, but to see Shaxx do something like that? The Titan didn't hesitate to throw a desk, why would he hesitate to speak? He'd have to remember to ask while his Guardian wasn't paying attention.

The moment she lay down, the weight of the world nearly crushed her. The corner was dark as the night had set in during the talk, which gave her the grace of being able to cover her face in the crook of her elbow and finally let all those emotions poor out of her eyes. Not a peek came from her. No sob or whimper. Only slow, shaky breaths and the occasional muffled sniffle. In the quiet of the night, however, Shaxx's hearing seemed only tauntingly precise.

Her Ghost sat on her chest, watching her quietly as her thoughts raced faster than he could possibly help her to sift through them all. At least, he would help her keep her breathing at a fixed pace. Inhale, hold, exhale, wait, repeat, don't hyperventilate. Don't focus. Just relax. Count the seconds if you must, but relax.

It took longer than either of them would have liked, but eventually the emotions and the exhaustion finally caught up with her and gave her a merciful sleep. There was no vision this time, no dreams, just a peaceful quiet. Her arm remained draped over her face even though Ghost knew the pressure would give her a headache when she eventually woke up. When they had their light, he was at least strong enough to push her arm a little, get her to move it on her own in her sleep, but with his damaged shell and core it just didn't seem like a good idea.

After waiting a few minutes, Ghost turned his gaze to the ever focused Shaxx and gently rose to fly in his direction. It was that or get Mede, but this late at night, he didn't want to search the whole farm with as weak as he felt. Worst thing that happened was a curt no. He hoped. God he hoped. Shaxx was nice to his Guardian, but what about her Ghost? Did that courtesy extend to him at all?

"Lord Shaxx..." came Ghost's quiet, weakened plea. He didn't want to wake his Guardian either, even if he was far enough away that he shouldn't. Not a light sleeper, but not necessarily heavy either.

"What do you need little ghost, I'm busy right now." Oh thank the Traveler, he was being quiet and technically nice about it.

"Evelyn fell asleep with her arm over her face." He replied. Shaxx stopped to look over his shoulder at the Ghost as if to ask why that was a problem or needed to be shared. "If she wakes up like that, she's going to have a headache in the morning and... I..." His voice shook, more than it already was, causing Shaxx to listen a little more closely and look passed, at the sleeping Guardian. "I don't know how many more times... I can heal her. Before... before I can't anymore..."

A silent sigh came from the Titan, more movement than sound, but he relaxed. His footsteps normally wouldn't have been in any way quiet, but the barn had only the dirt, easily softening the heavy steps he naturally took toward the sleeping Warlock. With a quick glance around for any watchers, he kneeled by her side and with a gentleness no one would have expected of him, lifted her arm from her face and placed it across her midsection. She didn't rouse from her sleep, but as his eyes stalled on her face, no longer hidden by her arm or even her hair, tracing the markings that accented her cheeks, forehead, chin even, a soft sigh left her. Such a deeply content sound, it made his chest ache. Ghost placed himself on the cot, beside her face and watched Shaxx.

He was rigid, but he said nothing, lingering a moment longer to watch her quiet form. There was no way he couldn't know what this feeling was, what he was experiencing, but this was no time to let it control him. The City was taken and the Tower was destroyed, people needed protection and Guardians needed to step up now more than ever. Or so he'd like to believe. Without the Light, it was so much more complicated. Death was real and lasting now. He couldn't repeat his actions at Twilight Gap, the Guardians had been well and truly routed by the Red Legion. Maybe that was the reason these feelings were getting out of hand.

It was one thing to realize you cared for someone and enjoyed their company in times somewhat like peace and another thing entirely to realize that moments could be your last with that person in the face of war. This was the latter. He rose to his feet and went to one of the salvaged Crucible flags nearby, a very large one that had managed to remain unburned or damaged, unfolded it and laid it over the sleeping Guardian as a makeshift blanket. The woman was a Sunsinger once, the cold of the night would easily get to her without the warmth of her own light.

"Thank you..." was the quiet noise Ghost made before even he fell into a sleep of his own. His light dimmed the way it did when a Ghost blinked, but the subtle shifts of his shell let anyone know he wasn't just a lifeless ornament.

Shaxx didn't say anything, simply returning to the datapads he couldn't possibly focus on. Before she had made it to the Farm, he had thought that she had died. Mede only made it because she had helped him protect civilians on their way to safety. Even when she was a civilian herself, she always had the spirit of a Titan, he was glad to have that woman's aid when their light had vanished. Even without it, she was a force of nature. It wasn't her own death she feared, but of those around her, of their hope. She was also an excellent cook and made the best of what rations they could get ahold of.

Even then... as much as the cheeriest member of the three was there to help him and others out, he simply could not confide his worry about the quiet member of the three. Not that he didn't trust her, hell he couldn't even tell  _ her _ that he was worried about her. Maybe she figured it out with what he said, but a small part of him almost hoped she didn't. He couldn't face his own feelings in that moment, forget about having them confronted by the... the object of his affection.

Traveler, he couldn't even completely understand how he had the  _ time _ to feel these things. He had the Crucible, which she conquered at least weekly. He had to train Recruits and Rookies and make sure they were up to snuff, something she lived as an example of. She was no Hivebane, but she was friends with him and he had taught her much about improvement in his own right. The two of them had even worked together to deal with SIVA and were recognized as Saladin's Young Wolves. Two. Her skills were something he could genuinely respect and that definitely led to an interest in the woman.

A hand came to rest on the face of his helmet, obstructing his view, but his eyes were closed already. She was powerful and she was beautiful. He couldn't deny that. She was genuinely just very pretty, patient, and able to face the world and protect what mattered even though something had broken her at least once. No one actually knew what had caused her mutism, and yet she still made it work. Very few put in as much effort as she did. When she did speak, it was important. It meant what she had to say was worth the body trembling anxiety she put herself through to speak up. So much weight on her shoulders and yet even as she held tears in her eyes, she stood tall to face the darkness.

No wonder his developing feelings were running out of control. Now... it was possible to lose her. He knew her skill, but even he had seen her taken down by fellow Guardians. No Strike or Patrol was completely flawless.

The large, confused Titan sat. Just, sat. His elbows where on his knees and his fingers were locked together in front of his face. If someone saw him thinking like this, they'd either thing the building was about to explode or he'd gone and broken like the string on a too tightly tuned instrument. Thankfully, it was very late and he was very tired, no one was out and about except guards and they were on the edges of the Farm, keeping an eye out for any signs of trouble, always hoping there would be none. It was a good idea for him to take the time to rest himself. No cot, but it wasn't his first time sleeping at a desk with datapads strewn about.

With the chair moved in front of the table, he propped himself up for some kind of nap and told Arcite to wake him if someone needed him, preferably before they tried to wake him on their own. He didn't get to hear a reply as unconsciousness caught him swiftly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 8)
> 
> I probably won't ever get to describing her in the fic, but Mede is a relatively pale (kinda sun tanned?) human woman with short black hair, golden eyes, and tends to put on yellow/gold lipstick and matching eye shadow. She's very pretty considering she's also a Titan.


	3. Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In search of Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'th' in Mathile is a hard 't' sound. Like Matilda, but without the 'da.'

Evelyn woke to a once more aching hunger digging through her gut, but it seemed a lot less bad than it had been before. It didn't make her just as dizzy and nauseous as it had the day before. After slowly rising to a sit, head swimming with the ache of falling asleep after crying, like a hangover without the fun memories of drinking, she surveyed the area around her. Not like she forgot where she was, but something just felt the need to confirm her situation. A week of moving with rest no longer than a few moments as she followed a Falcon that was too smart to be real (it was real), made the Farm, the barn she slept in, and the peacefulness of the morning's rising sun feel all too surreal.

She had seen the sun rise more times than should rightly fit in a week and yet none of those mornings had felt peaceful, only distant. A concept that existed and had no one to witness. She had been there and had not been there all at once. Until she had found Hawthorne and was brought to the Farm, her world had consisted of rain, falcons, mountains, and the bodies of Cabal War Beasts. No one else existed. Even her Ghost had felt like a figment of her imagination. A hallucination that kept her going and pushing, somehow, within herself.

Her eyes left the bits of sky she could see through the barn and went down to the gently twitching Ghost that had his own dreams to work through. With gentle hands, she lifted him up to her face and planted a soft kiss on the edge of his damaged shell. Nothing happened for a second, and then his light flickered back on, like the rapid blinking of dry, sleep filled eyes.

“Wh-what... what happened?" He sleepily asked before looking around and realizing he was in her hands and still in the Barn. "Oh... Good morning."

She nuzzled the corner of his shell and he flustered, muttering something out like a 'stop that' but with no commitment to meaning it. Her chuckle as he floated out of her hand was worth it though. At least she didn't call him Little Light, like someone else they knew. When her gaze fell to the Crucible banner that lay across her and the cot, his gaze followed with a hesitant glance at Shaxx.

"I... I think Shaxx knew you might get cold." He whispered, just for her to hear. The man mentioned was still asleep, no longer propped up on the table but truly resting with his head on his arms. There was no way his neck didn't get stiff with only getting to turn in one direction, what with that single horn. 

Her vibrant orange eyes looked to the sleeping giant and she tilted her head as her thoughts raced briefly over something silly and hopeful. It wasn’t fast enough as her Ghost caught every bit of it.

“I… I don’t know. He seems awfully nice to you though.” She shot a look at him like he was crazy, before getting up off the cot. “I mean, you know everyone else is afraid of him right? Well… except Mede, but Mede isn’t afraid of anything. Her boyfriend is the Hivebane, if anything people are afraid of her too. But… for different reasons I guess. She’s always been so nice, hasn’t she?”

While her Ghost rambled (forgetting the original point he had), she smiled and nodded to his words, happy he was talking a bit more after the disaster they survived over the course of a week. With a cursory glance to the sleeping Crucible incarnate, she picked up the banner on the cot and folded it up. It didn’t escape her that it was one of the nicer ones that remained. No burns, no holes or damage. No point in getting dirt on it too. After folding it up, she moved quietly to place it on the desk, hiding the datapads from view of any peepers who couldn’t keep their eyes to themselves.

Arcite turned to look at her as she approached Shaxx, but she made a very pointed gesture to shush him before backing away from the surprisingly deep sleeper. More thoughts were running laps through her mind than she could ever possibly fathom being able to speak aloud. There wasn’t enough time in a day, let alone now, with all the work they had ahead of them. It saddened her that she couldn’t just say something about it, but there were so many bigger things. Bigger than her. Bigger than her inability to even communicate so clearly.

“We could leave a note, you know.” Her Ghost chimed in over her shoulder. She turned to stare at him for almost a minute before her brow rose, as if trying to get the point off a little better. It took him a second. “Oh, right. Uh, Arcite, could you let Lord Shaxx know that we, Evelyn and I, wanted to thank him? When he wakes up. On his own. You don’t have to wake him up for that right now.”

Evelyn chuckled as she started to make her way out of the barn. She didn’t hear the exact words, but Arcite seemed to accept before her Ghost turned to follow her. He hovered over her shoulder as she made her way to the kitchen, hoping to find Mede for some much needed food.

Mede was what you might call the perfect woman. Seriously. Genuinely just a wonderful person to have around with amazing stories and a patient ear. She had a way of making you feel special even when you knew she was like that with just about everyone. An amazing cook who could make war rations into a delicacy if given the chance and a natural fighter who took very well to waking up as a Titan after getting shot fatally in the chest. She sought no revenge on her killers, only making a huge point about her survival and revival as a Guardian being the ultimate Vengeance. In their attempt to lower morale with the Hivebane, they only managed to make them both stronger. Made Guardians as a whole stronger for it. Of course, that didn’t stop the Hivebane from seeking revenge himself. It was much more his style, anyway.

In that she was a “perfect woman” however, it also meant she was perfectly capable of sleeping for exactly 6 hours and being awake when the sun rose with the chipperness of a flock of birds. A goddamn miracle worker. Everything she did inspired a little hope, almost as if it was her entire intention. If she wasn’t in the kitchen, she was in the infirmary, tending to injured in ways that left everyone wondering why she had been a Cryptarch in life and not a life changing Doctor in the City.

“Oh hello, Evelyn, Starlight. Mede just started making breakfast for everyone.” Mathile, Mede’s darling Ghost, intercepted the two in the doorway to the kitchen. If you thought Mede had a way with speaking, Mathile’s voice was gifted with a softness that made the cloudy down of your dreams weep. “There’s a lot of eggs involved. Protein is necessary for survival right now.”

“O-oh, hello Mathile. I’m glad you made it out safe too.” Ghost replied, quiet and almost flustered at the nickname he’d been given. Starlight was better than Little Light, in his opinion, but he’d be blushing if he was capable. Her gold lacquered shell spun in delight as a response.

“Mede knew you two would make it out of the City. She never doubted, no matter what anyone could have said.” She gently bumped Ghost’s shell with her own. “I’ll ask her to fix you up a new shell when she has some time.”

“I… that’s not…” He glanced back at his Guardian, who had the most smug grin on her face. She nodded to him, a quick ‘go on’ gesture. “Oh  _ hush _ you. If it’s not too much, I would be grateful. Just… don’t push yourselves.”

Evelyn entered the kitchen and took up the same spot she had the night before, watching her extraordinary Titan at work making enough food to feed a whole town. She was literally making enough food to feed a whole town. There were some people assisting, but she was doing the bulk of the work.

“The same can go for you two.” Mathile laughed as Ghost went to his Guardian and transmatted away, resting somewhere unseen for a bit. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, just have to let people know breakfast will be done soon.”

While Evelyn waited, she took the time to meditate. Sure she’d just woken up, but it was a good chance to get thoughts in order before her next adventure. Mede would scold her if she knew she was about to go out the moment her “wait one night before you leave” timer was up, but it was important. She needed to find what the rest of her vision meant, especially that piece of the Traveler. The Shard.

A great deal of her hoped that at the very least, she could find some answers there, even if it did nothing more. Yet somehow, she could feel she would find more than answers. It drew her curiosity as a Warlock and her needs as a Guardian. Her vision had shown her a falcon and that falcon had led her here, to safety. Her vision of the Shard could only mean something more. She needed to seek it out, needed to understand. Needed to…

“I know you’re in the middle of meditating, but if your stomach growls any louder, I’m gonna have to force feed you.” Mede set a plate of eggs and some slices of recently baked bread in front of the Guardian as she was dragged back into the present. Meditation was a strong, deep distraction, protecting her from the literally gut-wrenching pain of her stomach growling now that the food was sitting right in front of her. “Dig in, my devoted scholar. You’re gonna need the energy for whatever scheme you’ve got hatching in that head of yours. Let me know if I can be of assistance.”

Mede planted a chaste kiss on the top of Evelyn's head, ever the mother hen, before taking off with a ridiculous stack of lunch boxes for the infirmary. She’d been so deep in meditation that she didn’t even notice everyone else who had already come and gone with their breakfast.

A million scrambled eggs for the masses, and freshly baked bread enough for everyone to get two or so slices. Delicious too, the plate barely stood a chance before a Hungry Solar Warlock. Only a Titan could have competed with the voracity she displayed when she ate breakfast. There was only so much thankfulness she could experience with no one to witness that besides her Ghost (which he was used to). The Hivebane was a lucky man, and so was she for having such a strong Titan on her fireteam.

Mede returned before Evelyn could even get up, snatching the empty plate off the table with an almost divine purpose.

“Hawthorne said she wanted to talk to you real quick. You look like you’ve got something on your mind.” Mede’s back was turned to her as she started washing the dishes she’d carried back to the kitchen. Her expression would have had the same, ever-present smile as always, but the tone of her voice hinted at volumes of unshared feelings. She was worried and doing this was all she could do to keep herself from worrying her way into a hole. “Be careful out there, Evelyn. And… if you see my Hivebane, please bring him back to me.”

Ah. Evelyn stood, hands on the edge of the table. Both of them knew no loss of light would be enough to stop him if he found himself on a warpath against the Cabal, after all he had been through. However, it was all the more reason to bring him back here and calm him down. Mede was the only one who could do that, bring him back to the present, to reality. If they didn’t find him soon, there was no doubt he would get reckless.

The older moved to stand beside Mede and placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to turn toward the touch with an almost surprised look on her face. Evelyn didn’t often communicate so directly, but sometimes it was necessary, and it was different with her Fireteam. She smiled and her eyes shone with a confidence she did not normally display where people could see. Her only way to say, ‘I’ve got this’ or ‘leave it to me.’

“Thank you.” Mede smiled again and gently touched the hand on her shoulder before returning to the dishes. Her love was in good hands.

Of course, that was only if she could find him at all. As Evelyn exited the kitchen and headed back to the barn, to the ledge where Hawthorne perched and watched over the Farm, she vowed to bring him back for Mede. But first, the Shard.

“This is - hoo - a lot of civilization. For me, at least. Course, I’ve been living outside the City half my life. So. Huh.” Hawthorne turned to her quiet guest, now much more energetic in her movements with food in her belly. There was a puzzled expression on her face though, watching the Awoken Guardian acting almost as anxiously as she felt. “Anyway, heard you want to go poke around that busted-up hunk of Traveler. You Guardians have a weird idea of a good time.”

Evelyn at least had the grace to smile and quietly chuckle at the comment. A motion all in the shoulders, but almost no sound if not for how quiet the Farm already was. Shaxx hadn’t started his morning yelling just yet. Actually, she hadn’t seen Shaxx on her way up to the ledge. Probably went somewhere private so he could eat in peace.

Hawthorne tossed her the “keys” to a Wanderwing, and pointed out the general area of the EDZ near the shard. It felt good to fly something again after being grounded for so long. It was a very short flight at this distance, but the height of it felt the best.

“You sure you want to do this? That Shard is the reason this place is called the ‘Dead Zone.’ ” Hawthorne remarked into the Comms as Evelyn was transmatted to the ground levels. It was a bit high without her usual glide to the ground, so she nearly tripped down the hillside.

“We have to, Hawthorne. It’s a sign.” Ghost replied.

“Yeah, a sign that says ‘Dead Zone.’ ”

The warlock shook her head. They needed to go. If she didn’t come back from this, then at least Hawthorne knew where she went, and future Guardians who had similar Visions would be steered away from their curiosity. She hoped anyway. She also hoped she would be coming back from this so the trip wouldn’t be in vain. If she came back with nothing, that would also serve as a warning. All she had to do was come back. Alive.

“You know, I’ve been all over the EDZ. Charming enough. I mean, nothing says ‘come visit’ like a dark, haunted forest.” Hawthorne added.

Without the Light, she couldn’t quite move with the same agility she used to have, especially after barely recovering from a week without food, but at least she could run. Not fast, but faster than walking.

“But non-Guardians aren’t supposed to leave the City!” Ah yes, the very important rule for the Lightless Civilian Denizens of the City. You couldn’t leave because you might die. That didn’t exactly stop people, but it wasn’t something you bragged about if you got out without the Vanguard, or Traveler forbid, the _Consensus_, finding out.

“Here’s the thing about City rules - they stop applying once you leave the City.” Evelyn almost chuckled, all she could manage was a grin behind her cloth armor hood. The situation was too serious even without how vulnerable she felt out here with only a sidearm and an SMG. No powers, no light… no resurrection. This was on her to get right the first time. “Nobody goes farther than that. At least nobody who wants to come back.”

Guardian, in all her grace, shook her head and crouched beneath the piled vehicles. Cars? Sounds about right. Beyond that section of the rusted metal wall, the sky was no longer as clear, as if stepping under those rusted transports was really stepping through a portal to a whole ‘nother world. In the fog, the rust and metal mixed with the overgrowth of life was almost serene. The peace and quiet after a horrible storm had rendered destruction through its path.

The jump over the break in the road was about the best she could do without her glide, taking a running leap before barely sticking the landing on the other side. No risk of falling into the shallow ravine, but it certainly made her realize there was a lot she needed to work on should her Light return. Warlocks normally didn’t care for more than basic muscle groups, yet this was case in point that it wouldn’t hurt to improve in general. Stronger, faster, take the whole world by surprise when you break someone’s nose without even using your Light. Ok maybe break Fallen noses instead of Guardian noses. Do Fallen have noses?

As she entered the man made tunnel further into the Dead Zone, she made a mental note to try putting in more time to exercise her body as much as she exercises her mind when she had time. If she should get her Light back, she should be stronger for it. Earn it really. It’s one thing to be a Warlock like any other, wielding the Light in Arcane manners, augmenting herself and others around her or throwing massive orbs of raw, void light… and another to be able to hold her own when her light isn’t strong enough to propel her forward. Not like she was looking to compete with a Striker, but it wouldn’t hurt to stand her ground instead of looking like a pushover.

Then the tunnels got darker, no more light from the sky made it this far, only from the single eye of her Ghost, peeking over her shoulder to aid her sight in the darkness, and she realized she needed to focus on now more than anything. The future would only come if she lived long enough to get there.

“Let me know when you’ve reached-” Hawthorne’s voice ended in static. Obviously just because they were in a deep dark cave right? Like, no other reason… right?

“Hawthorne? Hawthorne! Can you hear us?” He asked. The suddenly, maybe just a little bit claustrophobic Guardian didn’t bother waiting for a reply as she pushed forward. The less time spent in this dark cave with only her damaged ghost to guide her, the better. “Signal’s dead.”

Finally, as she rounded a corner into a lit section of the cave, a distant hole in the ceiling, letting in light, she heard a sound she didn’t have time to mistake for anything else.

“Did you hear something?” A quick flash of distorted blue in the corner caught her attention, steeling her for what she knew was coming as she pulled out the SMG.

A careful few jumps down and she was on the low, splashing through the water. She knew what it was and this trick never got her, thank the Traveler.

“It’s - the Fallen!”

You would have thought there was yet still some light within for how quickly she mowed down the five Marauders. All that time spent in Crucible was not wasted, as she dodged back and ducked behind a stalagmite to reload before coming back around in a crouch to fill her high hitting assailant with bullets. It wasn’t pretty, and her helmet kept her from breathing in the ether as she got one in the head, but it was her or them. It was always her or them. There were a lot of them, and only one of her. Now, more than ever.

“Those Fallen weren’t wearing any house colors we’ve seen before.” Ghost reappeared by her side and took a moment to heal her arm, a deep, bloody cut across her arm from where one of the Marauders had managed to hit her. She hadn’t noticed it until it was healed, though healing her didn’t remove the blood from the simple cloth armor, nor did it seal the hole. “Be careful…”

She nodded and pressed on. So focused on surviving and yet she didn’t feel a damn thing. Maybe too focused. A little more caution and fearing for her life wouldn’t hurt right now.

More light, though ambient, and a bit of green amongst rusted metal showed her the way out. Somehow, she found an auto rifle that wasn’t nearly as rusted as everything around her, and made her feel much more secure than her damaged sidearm. With that in hand, she climbed the crumbling stairs to a balcony that shouldn’t have been able to hold any weight at all, yet its age is what ultimately seemed to keep it in place. There it was, the object of her obsession.

“The shard of the Traveler.” It didn’t hurt to stare a little. She was closer now to this shard than she had ever been to the Traveler itself. “This is it. Right out of our vision…”

The warlock, ever studious, shook herself out of awe and descended the only path she could see. It was high. Very high. When she hit the ground, even after taking a few ledges down to get closer, she felt her knees and her ankles cry out from the impact. There was no collapse or crumple, but her muscles, and worse, her joints ached from it. She really needed to be careful. Taking the world for granted was just as likely to cause her lasting injury or her life as the Fallen, out here.

Even as the Dregs crawled from their hiding places and managed to land a few well placed shots on her, pain finally breaking through that adrenaline infused numbness, she took her time to carefully take each one out with what few shots she had. The Fallen were such thorough scavengers that even her guns could be reloaded off of what few munitions she could loot off their corpses, but it meant nothing to waste it all on blind faith.

The Wretches were a bit harder, with their longer reach and the shock to her system if one even glanced an uninsulated blow against her, but the desperation kept her going, kept her alive before Ghost even needed to heal her. At the risk of garnering more attention from all the Fallen in the area, she needed to push. No time to wait, Ghost could heal her each lull of combat, just like old times. They just had to be so much more careful in the midst.

Traveler forgive her for the dark and cruel thoughts that passed across her mind, and Ghost forgive her for the colorful words that might have made it to him, as she pushed through. Except for the few Marauders who got a good cut in, most of the damage she sustained didn’t leave blood stains but singed burns. There was still a lot of blood though. Even though someone might not immediately notice, since it was more purple than red, it didn’t change the fact that the armor she had been given was already completely ruined.

Ruining the cloth armor was the least of her worries when she rounded the corner into a Captain. Actually… two. Two captains. Desperate, starving Captains with shields. It’s a good thing she got that shotgun from Hawthorne. Hated using the things, but no one is allowed to be picky in life or death situations.

As the last Fallen finally fell to the ground, Evelyn too, collapsed into the grassy ground. She panted and rolled onto her back while her Ghost hesitantly looked around for further dangers. Her body ached and hurt from those impacts, despite her attempts to cut line of sight with what cover was in the small area. Sure, she was healed easily by her best friend, but something about not having her own light made the pain linger. A vivid, traumatizing memory that echoed across your skin where it was once torn by shrapnel or blades.

“I think we… scared them away.” After a moment to catch her breath, she realized just how close they were to their destination. Right there. “Take me to the shard.”

Even as pain still held to her body, the persistent Guardian climbed back to her feet and took her Ghost to the closest section of the shard they had before them. A limp held fast to her despite his attempts to keep her steady with what healing he could muster, but even then she pushed forward. So close. He closed the distance before she could get any closer.

“This is why we were led here.” The renewed volume to his voice is what suddenly brought her back down into reality. Like she had been coasting along by stubborn survival instincts alone this whole time and now she was present. She was finally back in her body experiencing life in real time. No more darkness. No more dissociation. “I haven’t been this close to the Traveler’s Light since… Do you feel it?” His excitement made her lean forward, on the tips of her toes, eyes trained on him and the growing source of light on the shard behind him. He turned to look at her, excited even in expression as he was to his tone. “Hold on to your helmet.”

The Light scorched across her body and soothed her all at once, seeping into every ache both physical and otherwise. Adrenaline and excitement,  _ warmth, _ raced through her as understanding dawned like the blazing fire in her very soul. Strength she didn’t even realize she had lost, returned all at once, with no care for waves or adjustment as she landed with a solid determination she didn’t even understand.

“Do you feel it? The light is back! We’re back!” For the first time in a while, she really smiled, beamed. Her limbs felt like her own again, the world felt right again. What was taken has been returned… and then some! “Eyes up, Guardian.”

As if triggered by some chain reaction from her reattunement to the light, wells began to open up on the ground around her and further. Well timed, as the Fallen suddenly surged forward with renewed vigor. She had made the Traveler’s Shard react, it made sense that they were either angry, frenzied, or damn curious about what just happened.

With the renewal of her glide, she pushed herself into the nearest well of light and felt herself surge with a strength she missed for this longest week of her life. She was a Sunsinger before, but somehow she knew, she could do so much more with what the Shard had given her.

The Warlock leapt into the air and reached, both within herself and without, solidifying that one desire she’d harbored for so long. The manifestation of the power to protect, not just support, in the form of a blazing sword. The beginning of the Dawnblade.

“Guardian, you’re… you’re flying!” As with a lot of things that came with Ghosts, somehow this was just something she knew. As if the light had changed to be wielded the way she wished, not to be learned in some rigid form. This was her sword, her burning passion, her rage, and her scorching desires made manifest. These Fallen never stood a chance.

Warlocks have a very easy time gliding around by their force of will and control over their light, but this was different. This was flight, true flight. An Attunement to it, if you would. Blazing wings directed her as scorching blasts left the edge of her blade with each swing. No close combat required, easily dodging what projectiles the Fallen tried to throw or shoot at her. Even when the light’s strength waned, she landed deftly into another well to restore herself to full strength and conjured up new swords to end her assailants with  _ literally _ burning light. Hah! Shaxx would be so proud.

Shaxx was exactly who she was going to show as soon as she returned to the Farm. No longer a Sunsinger with the power to pull her  _ self _ back from death and accelerate the accumulation of her allies light in battle, but a true warrior with the power to bring the fight to her enemies from a distance with grace and flight. Maybe there was a way to modify it further, sacrifice aerial agility for seeking fire. Seemed silly, but if Voidwalkers could make their Nova Bombs seek out enemies, why couldn’t she with her flames.

The Captain fell and as if this were some rite of passage, so did the wells of light. Not before she had pulled some of her strength back to her, but there were no targets with which to further test her regained mettle upon. She got what she came for. The Shard gave her more than just answers. It was time to go back to the Farm, and reinvigorate the offensive to take back their home. Easy.

Oh how easy she wished it could be. As ever, the worst part was people wanting an explanation.

“Alright, trying again. Hello, Guardian? Testing, testing. Is my side just busted or something? Are you two still alive or are we just going to have to mark you guys as Missing in Action?” Hawthorne’s voice cut through their comm as soon as their signal returned. It seemed that both the Fallen taking up residence under the Shard, and the Shard itself seemed to interfere with their signals.

“We’re here Hawthorne. We got what we were looking for and… and... how long were we gone?” Once they were out of the fog, they both realized that they had long since left the cave returning back. They had managed to be gone from morning to night, with no explanation for how they could have been gone that long.

“Jeez, that’s good at least. You two have been gone all day since you went in there. You better hurry back, it’s getting late and the big guy downstairs is still shouting the barn to pieces.”

“Wait, what would we be able to do about it?”

“Well, he seemed pretty nice and quiet with  _ you _ two last night. Figured there was some kind of respect or agreement or something.” For a moment, Hawthorne left the feed active on her end, allowing the two to hear indecipherable, but unmistakable yelling from Shaxx. Someone was going to start crying with that kind of yelling. He sounded more angry than usual. “You catch that?”

“Not the words he was using, but… did someone misfire a gun? I thought he only ever got  _ that _ angry when people were more of a danger to their allies. Or themselves.”

“I don’t think so, but…” She paused and listened for a moment. “Huh, you’re right. Someone misfired a gun and now one of the ‘Guardians’ has a bullet in their leg.”

“Well, we’re on our way back now. Should only be a few minutes, this close.” There was silence on the other end. Ghost transmatted his Guardian into the ship and turned it in the direction of the farm. “Huh, does that sound like… radio static to you? It sounds…”

Evelyn frowned, messing with the frequencies on the ship’s console. Up in the air, the ship should have been able to boost their connection. No interference with the Shard, especially as they were moving away from it. Something was interfering with their comms. Ghost came to the same conclusion.

“It sounds like interference, something bad is about to happen. Hurry!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Mede took Mathile's shattered shell and fixed it up with gold lacquer using the Kintsukuroi technique she uncovered while she was a Cryptarch. This was before she died and was resurrected as a Guardian.


	4. Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like showing off the return of your light and getting shot in the head. All it does is ruin your armor.

Thank the Traveler this ship had proper belts in the pilot’s seat. The stunt she pulled, strapped in tightly had her Ghost reeling to keep himself upright. It was a hunch, but it was the best idea she could think of to fly over the forest between the EDZ and the Farm upside down, so she could actually survey, with her own eyes. Besides, the underside of the ship was white, while the top was black. Most enemies would easily be able to just see that with their eyes, let alone with any sort of detection tech.

The flight upside down really pushed the ship and its pilot to their best as the inverted controls were all the more sensitive. It was a kind of gentle tweaking that Ghost just had not figured out on his own, yet Evelyn's own body had a fine tuned muscle memory to these kinds of movements. Maybe it had something to do with her life, but it didn’t matter, only that it was a skill she was incredibly grateful to have in moments like this.

Hanging upside down, with the sky beneath you, invokes an almost primal fear inside. Compared to other Guardians, she didn’t have nearly as much experience exploring the stars. Certainly not like Hivebane, who woke up and then ended up in the Reef in the span of a week, forget about everything _ else _ he did. Her experiences were limited to the Moon and the Dreadnaught.

She wondered if maybe getting more used to genuine flight with her light would help her get over that or if it was simply too ingrained. As a Warlock, she had more understanding of how things like Gravity worked anyway, so you would think the nonsensical fears just wouldn’t take, but sometimes knowing how the world worked, and knowing that sometimes there were outside forces that could just break the established rules of the universe… made it worse. Oh, it made it so much worse. So her eyes stayed trained “above” her, searching for anything in the dark, night forests for any sort of lights or movement that seemed unnatural. Anything at all.

Maybe the signal had just died from mechanical failure or a power outage. Maybe there were some solar flares happening that interrupted their connection. Maybe it was literally anything harmless and innocuous. Except for the part where that horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach told her it wasn’t. There was no chance they could get away with something so simple and easy. Not when the Red Legion had just started a war.

Far below them, her searching eyes caught glimpses of blue lights in the dark. Flickers of that shade of blue so recently burned into her memory. Dots in groups of four and trails of quick flashes interrupted and broken by the shadowy shapes of trees in the dark. The cause for the communication interference was more clear even as the subjects themselves were only spotted because she knew exactly what she was looking for. It was far too close to the Farm to rout them, and warning them would take too much time. She needed to do this as quickly and efficiently as possible. It’s a good thing Solar light wasn’t known for starting any wildfires right?

The ship was flipped with one hand while the other reached up to intercept and catch her Ghost. Her thoughts were very clear about her intentions and her plan, but it hinged on him getting her in the right spot. You know, team effort.

\---

“Hey, I got in contact with your Guardian, Mede, but now there’s nothing but radio silence from them. Are you guys always like this?” Hawthorne had stepped down from her perch to go let the only Guardian she had any real respect for know that the Warlock they let go to the Shard was in fact alive, just had a terrible sense of timing.

“Always like what, the silence? Evelyn herself is mute, but usually her ghost talks for her.” Mede looked at her own Ghost and half crossed her arms, a thoughtful hand tapping on her chin. “The radio silence is a bit odd, though. Normally, she tries to keep people as informed as possible to make up for her inability to speak. Were they interrupted?”

“Not that I heard. I said something about that incident over there,” she cocked her head back to gesture at the Guardian of Shaxx’s ire who was now being forced to take apart and reassemble an auto rifle as punishment for shooting another Guardian on accident. Normally, not a problem, but at the moment, they were no different than everyone else. “Then it was just silent. I thought maybe it was a touchy subject or something?”

“No, not to my knowledge. They normally communicate their grievances at least. Perhaps it’s on our end? Why don’t you show me the radio. Maybe something shorted out discreetly.”

“Sure, it’s over here. You know, you’re pretty smart for a Titan.”

“Hah! Don’t let Shaxx hear you say that.” She winked in his direction when she caught him looking at the sound of his name. There was only a shake of his head before he returned to his angry brooding. “I told you I’ve only been a Guardian for a couple years, just before the whole revisit to the moon. I didn’t mention that I was a Cryptarch in life. Well, I still am, I’m just not allowed to get my own things from the Cryptarchs for decryption.”

“Really? I would have taken Cryptarchs to be the Warlock type.”

“You’re right. Tyra Karn is one of them, but… I guess I’m a direct thinker. I might be smart, but I have all the other qualifiers for a Titan you know. Of course, I’m a Defender. I spend almost more time protecting my allies than I do punching the enemy. Is this it?” The two women stop in front of a veritable tower of tech and wires. “Wow, this is definitely fit for an upgrade.”

“You’re telling me. It does what we need here, and it’s mostly undetectable by the more fancy tech, so I never saw a problem.”

“Yes, but your problem lies in how easy it is to interfere with this signal.” Mede kneeled down in front of it and inspected the wires and did her best to identify ports for their function. The whole thing was aged to hell though, working on miracles and wishes at this point, no labels anywhere. Mathile scanned the whole set up and shook her little shell. “If you’re gonna want to pick up any distant signals, you’re really going to need that booster you mentioned. I’m pretty sure just about any standard signal jammer will interrupt it and no doubt we won’t hear anything off world from…”

What Hawthorne said after that didn’t actually make it to Mede’s brain as the hairs on her entire body rose at the same time as her realization. The thing about Titans that really set them apart from their compatriots wasn’t just their physical strength, but a keen battle sense. It was like survival instincts with a hair trigger. Any Titan could taste or feel or hear the change in the air that came with a fight. Some were better at it than others.

“Hawthorne, as subtly as you can, I need you to wake up some of the guards off rotation.” Mede stood slowly, her eyes unfocused as her expression changed from the usual constant smile to one of concentration and concern. “I’m going to rouse the Guardians to be on standby and inform Shaxx. We’re being signal jammed and the only thing I can think of coming for us after that is an attack. If it’s a false alarm, I’ll take the blame, but we have no time to waste not being prepared.”

Hawthorne could see that the woman before her truly believed completely that something was about to happen, and just nodded. No time for quips, time for action.

While Hawthorn took the stairs down, Mede took the fast way, jumping off the landing into the barn where Shaxx always stationed himself. He was so on edge from that Guardian’s mishap that he probably didn’t even realize his nerves were aflame with the taste of a swiftly approaching battle. Thankfully, he wasn’t the only Titan there. Mede knocked twice on the wooden support for the landing before speaking.

“Lord Shaxx, ready your frames. Our comms are getting jammed and the night’s too quiet. Something is about to happen, and it’s not going to be the loss of this Farm.” As she spoke, sternly and with an authority like she was the new Titan Vanguard, his helmet rose to listen to her. She was not the type to jump the gun so easily. Hell, she was the most patient goddamn Titan in the entire Vanguard these days. The exact type to wait until the last possible best moment to pull the trigger if she knows it will get her the best results. She won matches in Crucible by waiting it out in ways that would make you mistake her for a Hunter. So this? This was serious. _ She _ was serious. She was also already gone, moving to get her armor and some of the Guardians back on their feet.

As Shaxx moved to ready his Redjacks, Mede walked up to the rookie that cost his friend’s leg and smacked him upside the back of his helmet. He had managed to disassemble the auto rifle, but he was getting stuck on putting it back together. She kneeled in front of him and picked up the pieces, moving swiftly yet deliberately to show him the piece she grabbed and where it went as she reassembled it for him. Once she was done, she loaded it, chambered a round, turned on the safety, and shoved it into his hands.

“When you aim this gun, it is always at something you are ready to shoot. Never aim it at someone who will have to live with the consequences if you fail to kill them. Never aim it at someone who you will regret harming. When you aim this? When your finger is anywhere near the trigger? You are aiming to kill, not maim, not harm. This is a weapon, Guardian. Weapons are used to kill.” He nodded solemnly, clutching the gun close with a smart finger off the trigger. “Always treat a gun like it’s loaded, no matter how sure you are that it isn’t. Even if it’s literally made of glass and you can see that it is empty, always treat this as if it’s live. Eyes up Guardian, I need you on guard duty right now. Go join the guards in front of the field.”

On her order, he climbed to his feet and held the gun close to his body, finger off the trigger, aimed down but not at his feet. He was learning already. She stood as well and followed, gesturing for other lingering Guardians to follow suit.

“Mathile, armor, guns.”

“Roger, ma’am.”

Mede and Mathile had known each other for only a few years before she became a Guardian, and even now, only had their _ connection _ for just as few. Words had to be exchanged for their needs to be expressed. Luckily, Mede was very good with her words. In a flash, Mede’s repaired gear was transmatted onto her body, transforming the mother hen in an apron into a fully armored Titan. As she joined the edge of the field, crouching behind the sandbags that had been set up on their little bridge, she pulled out her Sniper Rifle and scoped down the field into the woods.

As she scrutinized every detail in the dark, she could hear the guards near her getting antsy. With a bit of hesitation, she looks over her shoulder at the guard beside her and quietly informs him on an update. He needed to calm down and relax. If he volunteered to be one of the guards, he needed to be ready to need to actually shoot something. Besides, she was right next to him, she wasn’t about to let any of them get shot on her watch. The message helps a little, but there’s still some tenseness. Nothing to be helped.

The Titan pulls her eyes back to the scope and continues to watch. They were lucky they had the big field between them and the easiest path to them. It didn’t escape her that whatever was coming had to be the Fallen, as the Red Legion wouldn’t wait, wouldn’t ambush. They’d target a Drop Pod at the biggest building and let the legionnaires and war beasts take it from there. The Fallen had to be sneaky, and this was just their style. Attack under cover of night, use cloaking to get close, prevent any communication out of the target location, things like that. Shame they had so many attuned to a battle sense in the Farm. They might have made this much harder for the Farm to win, otherwise.

A Flash of blue zipping behind a tree draws the attention of her scope, and she lifts a hand to gesture to those standing around her. Slowly, so as not to alert their quickly closing assailants, the Guardians move to cover at a leisurely pace, as if they had intended to do that on their own with no provocation to action. Turn the Fallen ambush in the dark on its head. Make them think they’ve already won before showing them just how long ago they’ve lost.

The hiding zip of blue peeks out from behind the tree, low to the ground as the four glowing eyes looked out over the open field between it and them. She had to restrain herself from taking the shot. Let them think they still had the upper hand so they would get cocky and close the gap before losing more of their own than they were prepared for. At least, that was a lot easier said than done, as more little groups of eyes became visible along the treeline. This wasn’t going to be easy.

“Report.” Shaxx’s voice cut through the quiet that clung to the guards on the edge.

“Too many to count. We have the open field on our side, but I’d prefer not to turn this refuge into a warzone.”

“We don’t have that luxury, Titan.”

“Of course not. What I prefer has no bearing on the fact that I’ll still fight to my last breath protecting people. What kind of Titan do you take me for?”

“A _ young _ one, but the fastest learner I’ve seen in a long time. Maybe a little too soft on neophytes.”

“Tell them how to correct their mistakes at the beginning and they have a much higher chance of figuring out what they need to do in the future on their own.” Before Shaxx could come up with a response, she holds a fist up and points to the treeline.

A Captain had stepped out as if announcing their little invasion, like there was nothing that could be done to stop the encroaching Fallen from taking over the Farm. As he spoke in his own language to the Dregs and Marauders in his command, Mede let out a slow exhale and pulled the trigger on her sniper rifle. The Vandal that had been hidden in the tree, at head height to the Captain, exploded into ether and fell to the ground. She could hear the low chuckle from Shaxx as she watched the Captain look to the body, understanding the threat. He also decided to ignore it, bellowing out an order that she vaguely understood to mean, “charge.”

“Focus fire on what you can see, do not let them get close, and do not let yourself out of cover for longer than a few seconds!” That was her only order as even Shaxx took cover. He couldn’t care less about an injury, his ghost had survived the fall of the City and was still at his side. That didn’t mean he needed to take one though.

Despite Mede’s call to not let the Fallen get close, Marauders still managed to close ranks easily in the gun fire. Low to the ground with knives in hand, crawling like massive spiders with cloaking tech. There was little she could do to protect too many people on the sides from where she was, but nothing stopped her from cracking a fist so hard into one of their faces that ether poured out of where their head used to be, once they did get close enough. Thankfully, other Guardians were learning to cover their non-Guardian allies the same way. Hunters still had their knives, but it was interesting watching a few Warlocks quickly figure out how to punch without spraining their wrists or cracking their own knuckles.

However, this wasn’t a sustainable way to fight. The Fallen were still getting shots in and the only ones who weren’t able to handle the injuries as well were the ones without Ghosts. Death was final for everyone out here, but as long as their Ghosts were intact, they could still garner some healing when they ducked into cover. The others weren’t so lucky. Like the Defender she was, Mede took a shot in the shoulder for the man only a foot from her. It was a Vandal shot. The only reason it didn’t just go through and kill him anyway was because of her armor. After Mathile heals the injury closed while they sit in cover a moment, Mede peeks back out with her sniper rifle again and makes another example of the enemy’s own snipers.

Redjacks were doing what they could, but even they needed to take cover. Shaxx was directing them the best he could while fighting from cover as well. She could tell he just wanted to go out there and make a crater, but it wasn’t in his power and he needed to stay alive right now. Mede tries to take a shot at the Captain, but he just laughs and ducks into the cover of trees so they wouldn’t be able to whittle his shield down even further. He was clearly directing his Fallen. If they could just take that Captain out…

“What the hell is that?” At the inquiry, somehow heard through the gunfire, Mede looks up. It was like a star had suddenly gone supernova in the distant sky. Not the horizon, no. It was above them. Above the Fallen. Was it the Cabal? Were they about to deal with _ another _ enemy? Cabal drop pods were faster than that. No.

“Sorry we’re late!”

“Starlight?”

The distant flash of fire, high in the sky, hovered only a moment before suddenly plummeting down faster than anything should be able to redirect its momentum. The Fallen noticed too late before whatever blazing object slammed into the ground and sent a wave of fire out from the impact. More Dregs and Marauders fell than they could have removed on their own at that speed, already turning this fight in favor of the Farm.

The flames lit up the night as they swirled around their source, finally settling on forming blazing wings behind the Guardian that now stood, and drew her sword from the earth. The way she flew through the air, dodging fire from the Fallen that now seemed focused solely on her, seemed so natural and fluid. As if the wings were no projection of light but a natural extension of her own body. Rage and passion made into a weapon to fell her enemies. The Guardians weren’t the only ones who stopped to stare, even as that blinding light seemed to only burn their vision. Lord Shaxx especially, could barely look away, leaving much of the cover fire to the Redjacks.

Even as her flames ended, the sword, gone, she still managed to throw a fusion grenade onto a fleeing dreg, taking more with it as it exploded and even took more enemies out from within a healing rift of her own creation. This was a Guardian who had somehow regained her Light. Somehow created something new, something none of them had ever seen. Including the Crucible himself.

Hope and morale was to the point of bursting, when a lucky Vandal shot gets the cocky, hero Guardian in the head with a single piercing round. She dropped just as hard as anything else hit so fatally. As heat washed over Mede’s skin, she shot the Vandal with her sniper rifle and tried to hit the Captain enclosing on her fireteam leader’s body, only to barely penetrate the shield. What a time for a gun to jam. When she tried to pull out her sidearm and stand for a better shot, Shaxx forced her down, grabbing her by the shoulder and fighting her own strength against his, despite her insistence. For once, the woman was _ deathly _ quiet. No words exchanged between either of them as he held her fast behind cover, and anger radiated from the blank faceplate of her helmet.

The Captain laughed as he stood over the body, ducking under what could have been a hard hitting shot. So close to the ground, so close to the Guardian, eyes set on the people of the Farm he was about to demoralize by turning their would be savior into a trophy… he saw nothing of the tiny burst of light beneath him. Had no idea what was about to happen, until the click of a pumped shotgun and its cold barrel touched the underside of his exposed jaw. Who was cocky now?

The ringleader’s head exploded into ether and the body collapsed, leaving both Farm and Fallen confused as to what just happened. Who shot him in the head, _ what _ shot him in the head. Did he get shot in the head?

To answer every question both english and eliksni, the Captain’s body lifted and fell to the side, the Guardian beneath it, slowly rising up to her feet with ruined armor and a new hole in her helmet, and a shotgun ready to take on anyone else who wanted to test her mortality today. In response, the Fallen flee. They only had the one Captain, and all that remained of them were Dregs and a single Marauder. She’d taken out so many of them on her own. When the light disappeared from the Guardians, they had already forgotten how terrifying it was to fight one. Even a single Guardian was enough to take out armies of Fallen at times.

She let them. Let them run and tell the other Fallen that this place was once more running with Guardians and Light Bearers. Shaxx finally let go of Mede as the Guardian in the field lowered her weapon and turned to walk toward the safety of the Farm. Relative safety, anyway. It was safe _ now _ , quiet _ now _, and that’s what mattered. Hopefully not too many people would be dealing with the trauma of being so close to Fallen and a firefight.

As she approached the bridge, she put the shotgun on her back and reached up for her helmet. They were definitely using that Fallen Captain’s armor to fashion a better set for her, if not augment and repair what she had on. Who was she kidding, it needed to be new armor. What she had on was singed rags and stained with her blood. It barely even stayed on. Hell, the helmet was absolutely trashed from that one shot alone. She tore it off to get some proper, fresh air, which was absolutely refreshing against her Solar heated skin.

For about as long as she had before she was absolutely tackled by a Titan. Tackled, back breaking hug, picked up and spun around. The whole deal.

“Evelyn!! You’re back! You… you got your Light back!” When Mede finally set her down, she looked around at the people who had been injured during the fight, some by Marauders and some by longer ranged weapons. It made her angry that she had been late enough that people got hurt, but no one was dead. Injuries could heal. “Hey, you in there, Sunshine?”

Evelyn nods, still coming down from the high of battle.

“I can explain how we got our Light back, but maybe we should take care of… _ this _ first?” Her Ghost came out, looking much more chipper and energized despite his damaged shell. Sounded so much more chipper too.

“That’s a good idea. I…” Mede looks over her shoulder and then to the woman she still held by her shoulders, lowering her voice. “Why don’t you two report to Lord Shaxx. It might put his mind off of things and you already look beat from whatever it was you were doing out there. You’ve done your part, go report to the big guy and relax.”

Ghost starts to say something about those being mutually exclusive, usually, but Evelyn nods in agreement. Besides, the man looked absolutely antsy, like he couldn’t decide on what to say or do but had all the energy to do literally any of it. Mede began to direct the Guardians to help carry injured to the makeshift infirmary and pointed out some specific ones to stay on the edges and keep an eye out for any chance of counterattack. A Hunter tries to volunteer to track the Fallen down, but Mede rebuffs them. They needed to protect this place most, and Guardians needed to stick together now more than ever.

With the Titan Mom busy, Evelyn took her advice and walked to Shaxx. He had finally resolved on rallying his Redjacks together to link their data from the fight. Meant he didn’t have to yell at anyone and no one had to get yelled at, because it was late and he was going through a lot of thoughts he would prefer stayed buried right now. Having the _ source _ of those thoughts request his direct attention, did not help them stay that way.

“Lord Shaxx? Mede said we should probably report to you first. If… you’re not too busy.” Ghost started out forward with the idea and then slowly started to shift away as he continued. He was getting all kinds of “Do Not Disturb” warnings off the massive Striker. Evelyn seemed completely unfazed by it. Or… she wasn’t noticing. _ Starlight _ considered that maybe she wasn’t noticing.

The Lord himself looked over his shoulder at the two, eyeing the damage to her armor closely and silently. Arcite could handle the linking of the Redjacks, so he finally turned completely toward her and managed a frown with his body. She wondered if he was disappointed in her, and for a moment, it made her stomach sink. A strong enough feeling that her Ghost looked at her with worry.

“You look like you just went through the Gap.” How… specific. She looked down at the ground, watching his feet so as not to let her mind attempt to discern expressions from his helmet. It didn’t seem to help. “Stand tall, Guardian, I’m not upset. In fact, you managed to get your light back. I couldn’t be _ happier _. I want to know how.”

She took a deep breath to calm herself and nodded to her Ghost. If he wasn’t disappointed with her, he was still disappointed with something, and she was desperately curious now. However, the matter at hand came first. While her Ghost started from the beginning, explaining their vision of Light (something they both saw), the vision of the Shard, and how they delved into that to find answers, she let her mind wander to what exactly could have upset Shaxx.

It couldn’t have been the misfire from before, he was never one to dwell on the mistakes of rookies, simply moving on to appropriate punishment and only following up on improvement. Maybe something to do with the attack? None of the Guardians died, hell, none of the civilians died either. Some injuries here and there, but considering the track record Guardians had for being reckless thanks to their immortality, that was exceptional. It definitely had a lot to do with her timely arrival though. The bulk of the little invasion had been taken out by her dropping from the sky, and then more when she emptied her magazines into the veritable horde. That Vandal just got lucky. Oh. Oh wait, there was _ one _ Guardian death. Hers.

Well, it was a hell of a way to prove that she was completely back to full power, and then some. Still, she wondered ever so briefly if perhaps… he had believed she died out there. It seemed so silly, that he would put so much stock into her alone. Alright, so she was there to _ help _ kill Crota and “conquered” SIVA, she had some accomplishments under her belt. The next best thing to the Hivebane, himself. Especially since no one knew where he was. It made a little bit of sense. I mean, if you were the best qualified to go out and save the day for everyone, of course someone might have been upset when they thought you were gone for a moment. That’s all it was, right?

“So…” Shaxx cut through her train of thought like butter, with that quiet voice of his. Been awhile since she’d heard his quiet inside voice. Her Ghost had finished his explanation of her new abilities, the sword and the flying, but he didn’t have a name for it. “You’ve taken quite well to the sword, Warlock. You even managed to forge your own with your burning Light.”

She nodded, not quite having the words to share her feelings. Rather, she had the words in her head, could put them down on paper even, but there wasn’t much time to do that. Or enough paper.

“Those who wield Solar Light so naturally are well known to be passionate in everything they do, everything they feel, whether that be rage or affection. I have no doubt it is those feelings you hide so well that has aided you in the creation of your blade.” He put his fists on his hips and studied her closely. His praise found purchase as her eyes lit up with that very flame she harbored, and she finally found a spot on his helmet to look at again. “So… what shall we call you now, Sunsinger?”

The woman blinked once and understood what he meant. Sunsingers had their Radiance. She felt that she could do that again if she really concentrated, but after the Shard had given her the means to forge something new out of herself, it felt wrong to go back to that. Her arms crossed and she almost perfectly mimicked the same thoughtful stance that Mede took, with one hand reaching up to tap her chin, hip cocked to one side as she leaned slightly onto one leg. The words had come to her before, when she first summoned her sword and wings, but now it was taking her a moment to remember.

In the silence of her searching, she could hear a few people talking about the fight with the Fallen. Morale was high thanks to her, but a few words in particular caught her attention.

“It was like the sun itself had risen to come to our defense. Everything was so bright, like dawn had already returned.” Evelyn's eyes snap open and she looks over her shoulder to the people who walked passed with their conversation. After a brief moment of thought, she looks back at Lord Shaxx with a bit of triumph on her face.

“Dawnblade.” A whisper that could have been mistaken for a breeze on an open field, and yet he could hear it as clearly as he read her lips.

“That is a fine name. Dawnblade. Here is to future Warlocks of Solar Light finding their passions made manifest as you have.” He seemed to pause after that, more pointedly looking her up and down and finally crossing his arms with whatever conclusion he came to. “Your armor needs replacing.”

She almost laughs, but it’s all in her shoulders and doesn’t quite reach her eyes. The memory of pain and heat were still fresh in her mind. Even if her blood left stains like wine, it didn’t change that it was her _ blood _ that still soaked this once white cloth.

“Come with me.” He gestures for her to follow and does not wait to see if she does, prompting her to do so with little question. Within the barn, a back corner led to a more private room. It was clearly once a storage closet, but had been made into a little personal room for one. Took a moment for her to realize that this was where he had been going before to find privacy from everyone else. How else was he going to eat anything. “Here.”

It’s a bundle of slightly higher quality robes compared to what she had been given before, complete with boots and a helmet.

“Your Titan is ridiculous. She made these for you while you were gone.” She smiled and accepted, taking the robes in her hands with a soft expression. “You may use this room to change.”

Before she can properly accept, he ushers himself out of the room and closes the door behind him.

“He seemed to be in a hurry. Can’t I just transmat those onto you?” She grins up at her Ghost and gets to removing the tattered gear still attached to her. The moment the robe is off and she’s left with only the skin tight under armor, she takes a moment to stretch and appreciate the cool night air without solid, bloody armor clinging to her. “Oh. I guess that’s probably a good idea. Stretching is good.”

Thanks to Mede and Echo respectively, the under armor she wore wasn’t the kind you usually caught Warlocks wearing. Most of the time, Warlocks didn’t even bother, or simply opted for strictly comfortable under clothes. It’s not like you could fault them, but being the fireteam’s designated leader _ and _ designated support made her a squishy target. So, the under armor was specially made using the same patterns for Titans and Hunters. Easier with two separate pieces than a solid onesie.

The top half was gifted by Mede, durable and with subtle kinetic plasteel plates in them, flexible while moving, but hardened on hard impact with something. It was also very easy for Ghosts to repair and absorbed no blood. The leggings were Hunter made, gifted by Echo. Soft and flexible, low friction, and breezy in a way that kept you cool without making you feel vulnerable. Wonderful Dawning Gifts from almost a year ago. She got them their Mark and Cloak respectively, in return.

With nothing but the under armor, Evelyn took a moment to let herself really _ relax _. These things were just comfortable enough to sleep in, and that late at night, she wondered if she should actually bother putting all that armor on. It’s not like there were hard pieces the likes of a Titan’s armor, but it still hard, thick, layered cloth along the back and chest. It would be uncomfortable to lie down in.

“At least put the pants on.” Ghost kept his voice down, chiming in to her thoughts. She grinned. “You don’t…” - quieter - “you look like you’re not wearing _ anything _.”

With that suggestion, she chuckles quietly and slips into the pants, tucked them into the boots, and at least put on the rope bond she had been given for comfort. Felt weird without it, even if it was more of a symbol of remembrance in that form. She puts to gloves in the helmet and sets that on top of the robe before holding them up for her Ghost. He nods and transmats it all to the ship for the time being. When they found something else to help out with, what with the return of their Light, he could just transmat the rest of the armor onto her.

Something that Evelyn never really thinks about is that she’s lucky in a lot of things. It tends not to cross her mind because of how much she had worked for, with very little luck involved. She had the lean stature of a Warlock who had spent a lot of time in the Crucible to earn her Light, but there were little details that didn’t quite make it to the outside world when she’s wearing all of her armor.

For one, she was easy on the eyes. Soft features, with a pointed chin and sharp eyes that contrasted completely with the rest of her “colors.” Sure, grey skin, short blue hair, typical Awoken look with the tattoos on her face, but her eyes really popped out. As if she had been destined to hold Solar Light and it was trapped in the windows to her soul. Then… there was that other part of her that only her fireteam ever got to joke about, because they were the only ones who had the luxury of seeing her with no armor. The woman was stacked. Not exactly hiding watermelons in her shirt, but she was nowhere near “average” in that department. It really contrasted with the narrow, muscled waist, but then she balanced out again with the hips.

So when she stepped out of that private room in skin tight _ Titan _ under armor, with very little to give up to imagination, Lord Shaxx had never been quite so grateful to be constantly wearing a helmet. If he had been sipping any kind of drink, he would have spit it out all over the barn. He had to wonder if she even _ knew _ how she appeared, like that.

“Evelyn.” Traveler, he… he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell her. He opened his mouth like a fish and just stared for a solid minute, despite that innocent, curious, tired expression on her face. She waited patiently as he restrained himself from crushing the datapad in his hand. Finally, he cleared his throat, and with great effort, tore his eyes away and pointed out the cot once more. “You may sleep there again, if you wish.”

The smile on her face, as she nodded her thanks, absolutely floored the man. What the hell was he going through, that his favorite Guardian, brightest return, the woman who managed to get her Light back in the face of the Red Legion’s cage on the Traveler……. Oh. Oh, he had it bad. He had no _ time _ for this. A tight shirt on a… very well trained woman--Warlock! Shouldn’t...

Thankfully, by the time he had to brace himself on the table, she had already moved on to look for Mede. Arcite, however, does notice, because he is always in tune with Shaxx.

“Something on your mind, boss?” At least Arcite didn’t pick up the loud voice from him, what a spectacle that would be.

Lord Shaxx, the Crucible, the hero of Twilight Gap, one of Lord Saladin’s Pupils, thought very carefully about that question. About his answer. While dragging his gloved hand over the face of his helmet, as if it would have the same effect as dragging a hand over his actual face, he gave Arcite a single, quiet word.

“Her.”

Slayer of Crota, by the Hivebane’s insistence, and Conqueror of SIVA, by Lord Saladin’s. She had missed the fight with Oryx, by a hair, but that didn’t change that she had been there to aid the Hivebane in the initial fight against the Taken King before he fled to his Ascendant Throne. He didn’t know what happened, but he remembered the commotion when they had returned and she had collapsed on the Tower grounds the moment she was transmatted from her ship. The Hivebane needed a fireteam to go back, urgently, but by some odds or trickery, she could not be roused. When she did wake, it was already after Oryx had been defeated.

Now, she was the first among them to rediscover and reobtain her Light, forging a new power never before wielded by any Guardians. He could understand why she got his attention. He even knew at what point she got his attention. What he could not understand was how it affected him so strongly, now more so than before. He could live with watching her from afar, diving into Crucible, or showing the rookies how to properly wield a sword in a fight. There was always too much at stake for him to get closer than that. Yet, here he was. So desperately wishing that he could just bring himself to try, nearly blinded by a desire that dwarfed his appreciation. He was not new to this feeling either, so why… why was it so strong? Why was he so surprised?

Shaxx takes a long, deep breath and considers hiding away for the night that he might get some fresh air without his helmet for once. Evelyn wasn’t back yet, and with the feelings he was trying to wrangle, there was no point in waiting. It was simply better not to torture himself.

\---

“We really think you should give it a try too. The Shard of the Traveler still has Light, and if you go with your Ghost, you _ should _ be able to get yours back. Maybe even improved!” ‘Starlight’ explained, his captive audience in Mede and Mathile both. Evelyn was too busy eating to even bother gesturing along with his story.

“And, what does our Warlock think? How likely do you think this should work.” Mede sat back in her seat at the table and crossed her arms. It’s not like she expected a clear answer from her, but she had a way of discerning some meaning from her expressions and gestures.

Evelyn and her Ghost looked at each other and then she looked up at the ceiling, thoughtful. Warlocks like facts, but considering the prevalence of instinct and intuition, visions from the Traveler and clear muscle movement beyond the speed of any thought… those were good too. Her gut told her… yes. So she nodded. Not hesitantly, not slowly. A curt few nods.

“Not that it should, but that it _ will _?” More nodding. Mede smiled and looked to Mathile for a moment, then the rest of the kitchen. “Well, I’ll give it a hard consideration. I’m going to check on the injured for a bit.” She stood and put a gentle hand on her friend’s shoulder. “In the meantime, it is late. You’ve had an adventurous day, and with your Light back, you’re the best suited to help Hawthorne out tomorrow. Get some rest.”

A comforting squeeze and she was already gone. With Evelyn's empty plate. How did she do that?

Unfortunately, kinda like how she wasn’t getting an answer to that question, she just didn’t feel like laying down yet. For her, the day hadn’t lasted that long. She got up, ate breakfast, went to the Shard, got her Light, came back, fought some Fallen. In her perspective, she was gone for maybe an hour? Two? A little bit of time spent going to the Shard by ship, the walking, the fighting, then coming back? Having her Light back even gave her a bit more energy. She didn’t feel like she was starving anymore, despite going a week without food and only just getting her third meal since then. What could she do to help her get tired enough even for a nap?

“We could ask Shaxx?” She shook her head, they’ve already heckled him enough. As she crossed one leg over the other and leaned back in the chair, her arms also crossed over her chest, eyes closed in thought. Stretch? Exercise a little? “Please, not while you’re wearing nothing but a… skin tight shirt. I don’t think some of the people here will be able to handle that.”

She didn’t open her eyes to look at him, but she did tilt her head. Somehow, despite her age, this woman did not know that she had sex appeal. Well, she didn’t even know what sex appeal was. Her own eyes were set on research and combat, and considering her past experiences with certain people, she just never saw anyone in that kind of light. The closest thing she had to a relationship took centuries to happen, and then he returned to light before they could actually talk about that part of relationships. The ‘serious’ part. Like Sex. Which also meant, she didn’t think about what kind of effect she could have on other people. Particularly since people were usually rude when they learned that she couldn’t force herself to speak. Why would someone just like _ looking _ at her?

And no one had the heart to tell her. Starlight, bless his little shell, couldn’t tell her to cover up because people might be attracted to the stacked solar swordswoman. He just sighed and shook his shell in futility.

“What about Meditation? It’s not sleeping, but it would mean resting for a bit. Maybe organize your thoughts? You totally lose track of time when you do that.” He finally suggested, moving on from the topic of why it was probably a bad idea to have her bouncing around in… Traveler, she was so smart but it’s like her sights were so set ahead of her, that she didn’t even see _ herself _. “I mean, you don’t even need to meditate in a sitting position. You could, I don’t know, lay down, think. You might even fall asleep while you’re doing it.”

She finally opened her eyes and gave him the most “really?” expression he’s ever received from her. All that energy and he was suggesting she _ sit still _. It’s not like she couldn’t meditate. Maybe if she had woken Void Light powers within her instead of Solar, it would be more doable. She was a glorified Solar Battery right now, though. Both the battery and the very source of energy that was charging it. Still, she relented and got up, gesturing for him to come with her.

There was literally nothing better to do. Maybe if she could talk, then she could go around checking out the defenses, offer some humor to let off tension without the distraction. You know, if not for her whole being mute thing. She was physically capable of talking, she used to, but something happened and now she couldn’t get over the mind numbing and nausea inducing anxiety that usually came with attempting it. At best, she could give direction in the midst of combat. Only because she had help practicing for years to do that.

In the cool night air, clear skies allowing a ridiculous amount of stars to remain visible, that sense of peace that clung to the Farm was at its strongest. Everyone but the night guards and a few Guardians seemed to be sleeping, or trying their best to. No gunfire, no explosions, nothing to wake the few children on site. The tension like they all collectively held their breath was still there, but at the same time… there was a lingering sense of hope.

Evelyn sat on the edge of the fountain and simply watched the stars move slowly across the sky for a bit. The cool air no longer felt cold anymore, with the Light of the Sun trapped within her. Didn’t mean she couldn’t get cold, just meant she could really go back to appreciating it again. Nowhere near as icy as Felwinter Peak was, but it reminded her of it. She missed out on getting to see it back when the Iron Lords were… still around, but she still got to see it. Made her wonder how different things could have been if she had accepted that invitation, centuries ago. Lord Saladin and Lady Efrideet had managed to survive, mostly by luck, but if they could, then maybe she could have too.

There was no point in dwelling on could have beens that somehow had happy endings, though. Those two were extraordinary fighters, and she literally got a handle on her light barely 30 or so years ago. Her time to make the most of what she knew and what she still had to learn, was now. She had her Light back, she was going to use it to do exactly what she had been trying to do for centuries. Protect everyone. By the end of this, the Red Legion and Dominus Ghaul were just going to be more achievements on the Guardian’s belts, if she had anything to _ do _ about it.

Even with such a strong attunement to Solar Light, the cool air still gets to you after a while. Especially when you’re wearing clothes specifically made for keeping you cool, not warm. With a slight shiver, Evelyn finally rises to her feet and heads back to the barn with a much clearer idea on a few things. Including what she was going to do right now. The cold makes you sleepy, though she’d be a lot more tired and less just in the need to get cozy if her Ghost hadn’t been so insistent about her not exercising. And here she was going to do a quick jog around the Farm.

“Please don’t.” He whispered.

She just shook her head and went to the cot that had apparently been Shaxx’s before he practically gave it to her. Now that she thought about it, it made more sense that he would have slept in that private room than out here. Sure, he’d absolutely throttle anyone who tried to take his helmet off, but Guardians were stupidly mischievous and curious. Even Titans, they were just in denial about it. Warlocks will find a key, Hunters will pick the lock, and Titans will breach the entire door itself, but their goals were the same in the end. Get to the other side and find out what’s there. Especially with even a whisper of reward to lead them there.

On the cot was a blanket. Nothing special, just a bundle of cloth that would help keep what body heat she had, in, and the cold of the night, out. Shaxx was nowhere to be seen, so she wondered for a moment if he had procured it, but as she lifted it up to her face, she knew exactly who did. A mystery in all ways but one, there was no mistaking the scent of fresh spearmint, like a visit to a mountain forest. Mede was just the best.

By the time she had lain in the cot, curled under the blanket as comfortably as the small space would allow, sleep found her far more swiftly than she thought it could. Maybe there was only so much regaining her Light could do for walking in a half conscious state for a week. It meant she didn’t notice when Shaxx finally returned, and definitely not how he lingered to watch her sleep for a few minutes longer. Nor, how he tore his gaze away and let out a sigh that made Arcite wonder what she did to upset and impress him so much, before the Lord wandered out of the Barn to busy himself. Somehow.

In sleep, her expression was so relaxed, so serene and unfazed by the battles she’s faced, you would never guess her to be a Guardian. Certainly not the one who would succeed where others were never even given the chance to _ try _.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I 100% encourage comments whether you spotted a missing word/serious spelling mistake (I can only do so much by reading it out loud on my own lol) or a mash of keyboard because you like it and cannot properly express your feelings. Because me too sometimes.
> 
> Can confirm I have this whole thing planned out all the way to like... the Iron Banner that's happening NEXT week. Obviously, I'm not just gonna regurgitate the same plot over if it's like... not different from what literally everyone did, but I'll get close, lol. Like this chapter! This sure didn't happen in the game!


	5. Searching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's more romantic? A sword or a sidearm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: So I was going to change my Warlock's name before I posted the first chapters and sorta forgot in my enthusiasm >w>  
So now Mallida's name has been changed to Evelyn. It's already growing on me, I hope you like it too %D

The sky had never looked so clear, the rising sun reflecting off the clean white surface of the Traveler, yet the ambient light remained dim enough to know it was still only morning. Guardians were rousing, the Vanguard three making their own ways to their hall, and a certain Lord found himself standing in his little den with a fresh cup of coffee in hand.

Even knowing all these things, the Tower felt strangely empty. Something was missing and Evelyn couldn’t put her finger on it. With no thought to where her fireteam could be, why her Ghost did not heed her mental inquiries, she went to the only remaining place that could get her some answers. If not answers, than at least a sense of security.

The Tower really was empty. None of the vendors seemed present, none of the Cryptarchs wandering to their favorite corners. There was an ever present murmuring like a crowd was there, but not a soul to be seen. Was there a holiday she didn’t know about? Maybe Shaxx would know. He usually had some kind of answer for her. An answer that always ended up related to the Crucible, but the steps before the inevitable topic change still mattered.

Even though she _knew_ he was supposed to be there, as she stepped down the stairs, she found the room was empty too. Maybe she just missed him going into the Vanguard Hall. It completely passed her that Arcite was nowhere to be seen either, as well as the barren state of the walls. No trophies to be seen, but her eyes were already set on her next location, any idea that something could be wrong completely left from her mind.

Except no one was in the Vanguard Hall either. Now something was wrong. Zavala was never late, and Ikora would be there if he had something he needed to attend to. No Cayde either, but at least he could be explained more reliably. The heavy footfalls of a Titan back in the direction she came from erased the worry from her mind as she returned. Though, she remained ever a step behind.

She knew, she could feel it in a way that can never truly be explained, that she was a hair behind him. He was around every corner she tried to follow, always too many steps ahead. It was getting frustrating. Made her angry that she couldn’t just call out to him, say his name, get his attention somehow. Just a “Hey!” or “Shaxx!” He’d understand about her dropping the Lord; too many words.

Finally, she rounded the corner and was able to actually see him. Though, she could have sworn she’d followed him to the Hangar, yet they were back in… ah. He wasn’t alone. Beside him was Lady Efrideet. Was Iron Banner coming around? How much had she lost track of, that she’d forget that, after promising she’d devote herself to it in the Iron Lords’ Memories. He seemed almost delighted to be speaking with her, and she too was enjoying his company. Something one of them said even made them both laugh. Lady Efrideet was her friend too, so why… did her stomach feel so sour at the sight.

Then, it’s not Lord Shaxx and Lady Efrideet anymore, but a different Titan and Hunter. Yet, the feeling only worsened, making her want to crawl into a hole. The image didn’t linger, as the sound of familiar laughter drew her attention away for only an instant. No one was standing in the Hall anymore, so she hunted down the giggling.

Around another corner, this wasn’t the Tower courtyard for some reason, and she found Mede and her Hivebane. When did Mede start wearing her Cryptarch clothes again? She’d taken so well to that Titan armor too. Wait, no, she was wearing armor now, and it completely slips her mind that she hadn’t been only a second ago. Mede beckons her over, and for a moment, her closeness to him makes Evelyn feel something unfamiliar and grossly intimate all at once. Whatever words leave the Titan’s mouth are impossible to understand and somehow ingrained in her mind, yet they feel as though they are words of encouragement. Honest and deep affection that was nothing to laugh at. How could she ever feel angry at the one person who was by her side during her lowest point?

What… what was her lowest point again?

Another chorus of giggles draws her attention away from the notorious crimson couple, making the Warlock look over her shoulder. Suddenly, she was in the Hangar, and up in the rafters, Cayde and Echo were practically falling all over each other with fits of laughter. She couldn’t even see what the subject of their mischief could possibly be, yet she knew it had to be close. Still, there was no desire to go find it, as the sight of the two Exos bumping horns makes them stop for a second and look at each other. Like they were seeing each other for the first time. A sight that causes a cold ache to begin growing in Evelyn’s chest as she can’t seem to look away. With it, a sickening nausea that rivaled the feeling she got at the prospect of speech. It was… a familiar… and disgusting feeling.

When did she feel that last? How… long ago?

She’s no longer in the Hangar, her feet carrying her out to the Courtyard without realizing it, only now the sky was dark. Quiet, smoky, and the Traveler sat trapped in its cage in a blighted sky, while the ruins of the Tower finally set itself into her mind. Where was everyone? What happened to the Traveler? Where were her weapons and _where_ was her Ghost?

The sound of her name called down a distant walkway makes her run to it. Shaxx, worn to wear but not injured, beckoned her to follow him as he ran through further arches and walkways. Her feet could not carry her as fast as him, for some reason. Like the world tried to move with her, slow her, she wasn’t allowed. Or maybe she just wasn’t meant to catch up.

Her frustration was reaching a head. Why did she ever stop talking in the first place? He needed to know she couldn’t keep up. Something was hindering her, and she didn’t have her Ghost, he could help her while she wasn’t at the best a Guardian should be. What _really_ wasn’t helping her was this ridiculous personal barrier. So, she yelled. His name, to wait, she needs help, Shaxx, come back, please!

There was no feeling, but it made the world slow, almost still. There was no sound, yet the world shook with the volume. Then the world shook with her pounding heart as she realized the location she was closing in on. No, no no no. She never wanted to go back here, how could she ever _forget_.

As if to remind her ever further, the unmistakable sound of a Golden Gun shot made her ears ring and set her skin ablaze with adrenaline. Another shot. One more. Another, and the memory seared a hole through her own chest, the pain of a seared lung and drowning in her own blood numbing all other senses. There is no stumble, no transition. One moment she is running, and then the next she’s fallen against a wall, deafened by heartbeat and her own bloody gurgling. Shattered Ghost shell pieces on the tiled ground, ears ringing, dark rims on the edge of her vision, yet there was no way she wouldn’t recognize that shell. Shaxx’s shell. And… another’s mixed in with the pieces.

Deafened and dying and panicked and slowly blacking out, the sound of boots crunching the dead ghost’s cores cuts like a knife, as clear as the image before her. The Hunter twists her boots as if to make a further example, before kneeling in to whisper in the Warlock’s ear. A voice she had not heard in decades.

“I guess this is just another thing, huh? Just can’t keep your damn mouth shut.” The sounds of more gun shots, and the distant memory of pain in her legs. “Never forget, _Evelyn_, this was all your fault. Just like always.”

One final gunshot, to end all senses.

\---

The velocity at which she sat up was enough to launch her sleeping Ghost off her chest. No scream, no cry left her, as a vice grip held her throat like a hand that was far more physical than psychosomatic. It trapped all her anguish and her breath behind terror and nightmare induced adrenaline. There was no point in climbing out of the cot, so low to the ground, but planting a foot physically stabilized her. Kept her from falling out as she gripped the metal bars that ran through the sides.

Where was she right now, what happened to the Tower? This wasn’t a bed, _her_ bed? Something bad happened, but she just couldn’t remember. Couldn’t call out. Hyperventilating hard enough to darken her vision, spin the world. Would anyone even hear her? Did she want them to? There was yelling somewhere and she couldn’t remember who it was, there was no way she’d signal someone’s attention, whether she had the resolve to or not.

“Woah, woah! Hey, Guardian, look at me. _Evelyn_, I’m here, I’m here.” Her Ghost hurried to intercept her blurring vision, making sure to gently flash a few times to get her attention, focus her eyes. “You’re gonna be ok. You’re safe, it’s ok. Just, watch me closely ok? We’re gonna practice some breathing. When I expand I want you to focus on inhaling, and when I contract, you’re gonna exhale. It’s ok. Come on, breathe with me. In. Out. In, 2, 3, 4, 5. Out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.”

As his voice repeated his instructions, and the shell moved in time with his counting, she slowly, gradually began to regulate her breathing. Oxygen returned to her brain and adrenaline burned out, allowing the flow of memory to return. A dream. All of that was just a cruel dream. She was on the Farm, the person yelling was Hawthorne (was being the operative word, it was quiet out there now), and yes… she was safe. Safer now than she was before, because unlike that memory that had invaded her dream and turned it into a nightmare… she didn’t _need_ anyone else to actively protect her anymore. Not that it wasn’t nice every once and a while.

No, she had Mede and Echo now. Just like she would go to the ends of the universe to protect the fireteam she had now, they too would go to the same lengths, if not turn it into a competition to see who could go furthest, for each other. Herself, included.

Once her breathing was back to normal, her body finally started to relax, allowing her hands to extricate themselves from the cold metal bars that gave the cot its shape. Somehow, that panic attack had left every single muscle in her body sore, but she didn’t show it as she let her shaking hands rest on her lap and closed her eyes. No strength to really sit up straight, but who cared. She needed to just relax for a moment before she bothered trying to get up.

Starlight had different ideas, spinning his shell before expanding that movement to heal her. It soothed the ache in her muscles and repaired any of the damage her near suffocation caused.

“Hey,” his tone was much softer now, “you hangin’ in there Guardian?”

She nodded, though they both knew she didn’t need to. It was his way of trying to help her communicate outwardly again, and she appreciated it.

“You know, I’m supposed to take care of you just as much as you take care of me. I’ll always be here.” He brought the tip of his shell to her forehead for a little affectionate bump, causing her to open her eyes and grin a little bit. “Doesn’t matter how much you know that, I’ll keep reminding you. I’m not very good at wiping away tears though. Think I could get a shell extension for that? Maybe some tissues on the end of a stick or something?”

She sniffles and wipes away the stains of tears she hadn’t even noticed had fallen, but at least there’s a slightly bigger grin now. He was bad at jokes, but there was no denying that the image he put in her head was beyond silly. Oh, he’d hate that so much, and he knew now she wasn’t gonna be able to help herself and get him a shell like that just for giggles. Not like he’d complain too much about her laughing. Or at all, really. He missed the sound. No one would believe him if he told people how loud she used to laugh. A genuine, heartfelt laugh, expressing her joy without much care for how she sounded. Though she sounded adorable anyway.

“Well, since we’re up, we might as well head over to the kitchen to see what Mede’s cooking. You might even score a hug.” 

While she looked like she was shaking her head at him for the silly suggestion, she was in complete agreement. Nothing healed the soul like Mede’s cooking. Or her hugs. That, and Mede was _there_ for the aftermath of her “lowest point.” If anyone would be able to help Evelyn feel better after what she just reexperienced, it was Mede.

That didn’t make physically getting up or walking in that direction any easier. Even though her muscles weren’t as sore as they were before, thanks to her Ghost, her knees and hands still seemed to shake just a little bit. Baby steps, feet planted to the ground, back to the wall, just… put a little weight into your legs at a time. If it’s too much, sit back down and try again.

It actually does take a few tries, as this was the first time in a long time that she’d panicked from one of her nightmares. They used to get so repetitive after the Moon that she just woke up tired, literally and mentally, and Mede would just help her get back to sleep. Her Ghost was even about to ask if he should just get her, but then Evelyn stood up and kept her balance this time. No more oxygen deprivation and no more shaky jelly limbs from that and adrenaline combined.

Only after she stood and really got a better look around did she realize that Shaxx was already somewhere else. Probably been the whole time, it’s not like he’d have just let her sit there and suffocate. Actually, Arcite seemed to be missing as well, wherever they went. As far as she could rationalize, they were probably out in the field (the literal field), drilling Guardians and volunteers on fighting. Ever the Crucible, both handler and incarnate.

She was right, as she walked through the Farm toward a hopefully well stocked destination, she could see Shaxx himself land a Guardian on their ass. Was he teaching them how to… was that a _self defense_ class going on? Oh that smile was so forced when he looked in her direction and nodded. Maybe it was just her confusion making it difficult to take that seriously. When, in all the centuries they’ve been around, would that have ever been necessary. A Striker would just vaporize you with the impact of their _shockwave_ if you were just too close. And there was no way it would matter with the likes of a Fallen. Sure, ok, there were still bandits, but they usually also had guns and at least one of the rogue Risen every now and then.

“Maybe it’s a morale thing? Make them feel like they stand a chance even if they don’t have guns?” Ghost quietly suggested.

“It’s a timing thing, but morale works too.” Mede stepped out of the kitchen just in time to hear the little remark, adding her own understanding to the mix. “It was my idea, actually. Golden Age didn’t see a lot of in fighting between humans besides those who liked the Traveler and those who didn’t, but Martial Arts was, well, an art form. Physical movements made into artistic expression. If you can get the timing down on that kind of thing, then knowing when to fire and having the confidence to pull the trigger will just fall into place.”

“Huh.” Ghost said it, but you could almost hear it from Evelyn too. Mede put her hands on her hips and looked smaller woman up and down before frowning.

“Are you alright? You don’t look like you slept at all.” Mede put a hand under Evelyn’s chin, even as the Warlock’s eyes drifted elsewhere.

“It was the… _that _ dream again.” Ghost whispered.

If Mede looked mildly concerned before, she looked sad now. They could talk about _Hive_ nightmares. Of course Evelyn had nightmares about the Hive, or Taken, or SIVA after everything she went through, but those dreams just got annoying after awhile. Yet, also, she was grateful to them a bit because she knew she could beat Hive or Taken or Devil Splicers. As long as she had dreams about those things, as weird or terrifying as they could be, if meant she wasn’t reliving that moment from the not-nearly-distant-enough past. So when she did dream of trauma… it got a little more complicated.

“Hey. It’s been almost 35 years to the day, but you’ve made it this far.” Mede’s voice, so soft, rivaling her own Ghost in delicacy. She smiled gently and cupped Evelyn’s face to keep her attention. “I’m so proud of you. It might seem like you should be over that by now, but trauma is no laughing matter, and it can take an entire human lifetime to get over. You’ve barely gone through a few decades.”

Evelyn finally felt like she was relaxing, as if she’d still been tense from the moment she’d woken, to the moment she stood in front of the kitchen doorway. Mede’s hands moved off her face and pulled the smaller woman into her arms for a tight hug. It was even reciprocated. The kind of embrace you’d imagine would be reserved for lovers or the closest of family, but when you knew someone you’re entire life, it easily fell into the latter. In this case, Mede had known Evelyn her own life. Almost 60 years. Long enough for an old Guardian to get attached.

“I’ll be here, should you ever need me. Whether you have the strength to speak or the drive to write me an entire novel on your thoughts, you know I’ll always be interested.” Mede planted a chaste kiss on the top of her head and smiled down at the very content, but still a little sad looking Guardian in her arms. “Come on, let’s get you some food so you can relax just a bit longer, before Hawthorne or someone else finds work for the only Active Guardian on Site.”

That sadness turned to a strange mixture of regret and acceptance, knowing full well that she'd be back in business whether she was prepared for it or not. Yet, no one had forced her to go to the Shard. That was all her. Where she stood now was brought on by her own accord, traversed by her own two legs.

While Evelyn took the time to actually savor some food for once, milking every extra second she got to be free to her own thoughts, Mede went about her usual morning routine in the Farm. She made a banquet’s worth of food from their rations, divvied it all out among people, stored the leftovers, and even delivered it to the infirmary. People brought back plates or lunch boxes on their own or she’d pick them up herself. Evelyn had to be honest with herself, though. Mede had always been a very active woman, taking the path of a Cryptarch did nothing to dissuade the woman from being literally everywhere.

While everyone thought she’d have been a Warlock because of her intelligence and career choice, it turned out she was just much better suited for Titan. At the very end, she was even too straightforward and honest in everything she did to be a Hunter. Really, what kind of person dedicates half a century of their life to decrypting everything related to Golden Age medical technology? Someone who saw more than just the threats outside of the city, for one. Someone who was always looking to protect people with everything she had, for two.

The reminiscing about how lucky she was to have Mede for her fireteam’s Titan ended with the food on her plate. Nothing remained to keep her distracted for long enough to justify stalling like this. Hawthorne had something that needed to be done and, being the only one suited for the job, Evelyn got up and headed for that balcony on the Barn. On her way there, Ghost transmatted the rest of her armor onto her, signalling that she was ready for business. Physically anyway, but what she wanted to do had no influence on what she needed to do. Sometimes you’d think her discipline could rival a Titan’s.

“You know, when Mede called you ‘Sunshine,’ the nickname didn’t seem to stick to me. But now that you got your Light back, it kinda makes sense! I don’t know how you did it, but I’m glad. ‘Cause we’re gonna need it.” Hawthorne turned to fully address Evelyn, who nodded in agreement. All it takes is a bit of luck for the enemies to down a Guardian who loses themselves to the thrill of battle, and a bit of dedication to revenge to get a Ghost. “There are a lot more survivors. And they need our help. We gotta get the word out that the Farm is a safe Haven. I sent a friend into the EDZ a few hours ago to set up a comm network. His name’s Devrim Kay. Good guy. Great shot. Don’t tell him I said that.”

Evelyn chuckled silently, putting one hand over her heart and tracing fingers over her helmet as if to show her lips were sealed. It left the smug grin out, but the way she stood up straight as she did it was all silly and no serious. Hawthorne shook her head with a grin.

“If you give him a hand, I’d take it as a personal favor.”

The Warlock nodded one more time and pointed up at the Wanderwing as Ghost flew it past the Farm. They transmat into the ship before Hawthorne can fully realize she was leaving in that moment exactly, and get to doing exactly what Evelyn had been so reluctant to do, no matter how necessary. Out into the world, facing the armies of darkness or what have you. Currently, as the only Light Wielding Guardian… in the entire Universe.

“Don’t think too big like that. You know how it goes. You start imagining how big the Universe is compared to our tiny little Galaxy, and you start feeling real small.” She shook her head at Starlight, because in her attempt to diverge from that train of thought, he made the image a lot sharper. “I mean, I guess that’s the whole point of Voidwalkers, right? They think about it and take that… that… vastness and embody it?”

She nodded once. Void Light was infinitely colder than her more naturally occurring Solar. Arc came pretty quickly when she learned to control her anger a bit, but the calmness of Void was a hard fought battle. A battle she won by learning how to Blink even when she was throwing Solar Grenades. Though, it may have been out of spite; it kept people on their toes in Crucible.

“I think we’re coming up on the place.”

“Hey, don’t get cocky now that you got your powers back. The EDZ is rough, especially around the old town.” Hawthorne chimed into their feed as soon as they approached the landing zone, confirming the claim. “Just remember: refugees from the City have it a lot rougher. You want to help them, find Devrim Kay.”

If not for the glare on his scope, it might have taken her a hot minute to figure out where he could have set up in a place like this. Yet, it made perfect sense once she did see it. High up, good vantage point, difficult to flank. Especially with the difficulty to just climb up to his level. Clearly made that way, but it made her wonder how exactly Devrim himself got up there, seeing as she had to glide.

It definitely made her feel a little surprised that he seemed to be someone far _older_ than she was expecting. Guardians did age in a way, though most of the ones that looked older had always looked a bit like that or ended up that way because of their own view of themselves. Lord Saladin didn’t have nearly as much grey hair when she first met him compared to when she helped Hivebane deal with SIVA. Tyra Karn always looked more experienced in her years than everyone else, though. Otherwise, they just weren’t used to seeing elders who were so… spry.

Thankfully, witty quips were not something Evelyn did anymore. Not for over 30 years, and that was a blessing in disguise. She could already tell he was a very sharp eyed gentleman with an equally sharp wit. Even with centuries of quip under her belt, she’d never have stood a chance.

“A guest. And here I have no tea to serve. These are dire times indeed.” Yep. There we go. “Devrim Kay - the Eighth - at your service. City militia, back when there was a city. Now I serve at the pleasure of my dear friend Suraya Hawthorne.” Evelyn tilted her head slightly, having never actually heard the first name until now. Made sense that it might be a far more familiar thing, not that she’d be calling anyone by any names _anytime_ soon. She crossed her arms and nodded once, trying to convey that she was listening. “First on the docket: contact other refugees and tell them of the Farm. That means building a comm network from the ground up. And even though I happen to be a damn good shot, the Fallen are giving me a devil of a time. I dare say, you can handle a few rounds with the enemy. I’ve seen what Guardians can do.”

A bit of her wondered if he’d ever seen her in the Crucible, or bothered ever watching it in the first place. Not that he’d recognize her. Different armor, never shown her face except when people really wanted helmets off in certain places. She wasn’t nearly as stubborn to keep it on as Shaxx was, and no one dared to even ask him anyway. The most iconic thing she ever did was blinking while clearly in a subclass that wasn’t Void. People tried to say that was against the rules or unfair, and Lord Shaxx just laughed at them. The only rules in the Crucible were the same rules outside the Crucible. The only thing you weren’t allowed to shoot was a Ghost and certain weapons were contraband, but that was it.

Her silence doesn’t exactly put Devrim off, but he does take note. He clears his throat before continuing.

“Right. I think it’s time to let the guns do the talking now, don’t you?” She nodded fervently, eliciting a grin from the man. “Well, let’s get started then. There’s a banner on the main floor. Give it a look, will you?”

They were both very eager to get back to shooting things, her especially since there was no pressure to socialize when you had a gun in your hands. Once back on the main floor, she found exactly what he meant, pulling Starlight out to scan it. He could do all the technical talk anyway.

“This is a House of Judgement sigil. I’m pretty sure Hivebane worked with a Fallen who flew this banner.”

“Curious. Well, the Fallen seem to have put this up as a bit of a threat.”

Yep. Evelyn didn’t recognize House sigils in the slightest. Even if she could talk, she would have had nothing to say about that.

After that, she found a few of the supply caches Devrim mentioned and cleared out what they’d later refer to as “Lost Sectors,” places marked for their danger and treasure. You know, exactly the kind of place a Guardian dove headlong into willingly. This one had just the materials needed to make her armor a touch more tangible and a lot less like simply wearing layered cloth on her vitals, so a win for sure.

While Devrim’s mention of putting a kettle on while she was on her way back up wasn’t paid any mind to (she only accepted tea made by Mede), his little quip about drinking all of it before she got there reminded her that he could absolutely destroy her in a battle of wits. Some battles were simply lost before they started.

“Right.” As if his own chuckling was digressing from the necessary subject at hand. “The Beacon. While you were tussling with the Fallen, we’ve encountered a bit of a setback. Hawthorne has placed the last relay on the mountain above the salt mines, but even from that height, the signal still doesn’t have the range we expected. It’s a bit curious. Regardless, this signal booster should solve our problem, if we can get it to her.”

“Climbing to the top of the salt mines shouldn’t be too much of a problem for us.” Starlight nodded, looking between Devrim and Evelyn. She shrugged and started toward the other end of the Church, while her Ghost took the booster and disappeared at her side.

Didn’t pay much attention as she entered the mines, Devrim and Hawthorne throwing witty comments back and forth. She was too busy shooting Fallen with what poor weaponry she was equipped with. While she cleared out the room, she hardly noticed her own Ghost had joined in on the conversation, way too focused.

“I’ve noticed our Guardian friend appears to be a bit shy.” Devrim had said.

“She’s mute, Dev. I don’t know what could have happened to do that kind of damage to a Guardian, but it doesn’t seem to be holding her back.” Hawthorne replied.

“It’s uh… it’s psychological, not physical. I do the talking for her, these days. It wasn’t always like this, but I’m used to it now.” Was her Ghost’s informative addition.

“Well, she carries herself well, for surviving something so traumatizing she can no longer speak.” Hawthorne dropped out of the topic, leaving Devrim to reply on his own.

“We try not to bring it up. Mede said the term was ‘retraumatization,’ and that it’s better if she brings it up on her own, when she’s ready, rather than having someone force the conversation on her. Ah, sorry. Like right now.” Evelyn let out a sigh and a rather irritated signal with her thoughts, as she’d just tuned back into the conversation. The Fallen were cleared from the room and she needed to know where to go next.

“My apologies, Guardian. Don’t let us distract you from what you must do.” She wasn’t mad at anyone, the wounds were simply a bit more fresh than usual. Considering the nightmare she’d been so rudely woken with.

“That elevator should take us to the top of the mines.” Right. Of course. Where would she be without her Ghost, if not the bottom of the ocean. She flipped the switch and took a step back. And then another step back at the sound of screeching metal. The crash nearly knocked her off her feet, but thankfully nothing flew at her from the harsh landing. “We’ll have to find another way up to Hawthorne.”

Or maybe that’s why she paid no mind to the elevator. As if one look at the thing told her it wasn’t going to work. Well, now they knew for sure. Deeper into the mines it was.

As she went deeper, killing Fallen Vandals and Dregs, blowing up Shanks, like they were just more obstacles to her destination, she put a little effort into being able to focus on the fight at hand and the talking, when it did happen. She’d gotten so used to having to focus entirely on the fight to avoid any damage at all in such a short time. It wasn’t like she needed to respond. Starlight could do that. She even smiled at the image of Fallen fleeing out of the mountain, until the trip mines all activated, as if in response to Devrim’s comment about kicking hornet’s nests.

That sigh could have toppled a mountain. The trip mines were easy to deal with, technically. Usually they ended up set up just right to set themselves off in a chain reaction when you shot one, but this whole thing only made her wonder if it would escalate. Hopefully, literally being unable to say anything meant she was immune to jinxing it.

No such luck. If all you do most of the time is think, then your thoughts, too, become influential on the will of the cosmos. Why do the Fallen seem to love dark, cramped caves so much.

Been a while since she’d fought a servitor (or several), and really, she was just grateful these ones weren't glowing _red_. With the last, most resilient one in pieces, the lights flickered back on.

“That did it. Killing the Servitor brought the power back on.”

“Good job! Maybe I’ll finally get my booster one of these days.”

Evelyn snorted derisively and stepped into the elevator. Sure, ok, it was all in good fun. In dire times, you needed to be able to joke and laugh or else the battle was already lost. Maybe she was still a touch sensitive because of her morning, but regardless, hearing comments about how “slow” she was being after a key point in her nightmare was being unable to keep up? It felt like a personal jab. And she couldn’t even say anything about it.

So she rode up, shot some Fallen off of catwalks, a couple of Shanks, and calmed down. It wasn’t personal. No one knew, and they seemed nice enough people that they would stop if she _could_ tell them.

“Hawthorne, we’re out of the mine and heading your way.”

“Then hurry up with that booster. Let’s finish hooking up the comm network. And, uh, thanks for the help. You’re not so bad… for a fancy-pants Guardian.”

“Now that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard Suraya say. You’re in rarified air, my friend.” Ah. Yeah, there was nothing personal to take out of it. This was just how they _talked_. Lots of well meaning sarcasm and wit.

Evelyn took a short second to look out over the view from so high up, taking a walking pace for a moment before continuing her jog down to Hawthorne’s position. Except for the occasional Fallen ship, the scenery was unbelievably peaceful. So many trees and so much green. The City deserved so much more than just the walls.

Starlight transmatted the booster into Evelyn’s hand as they approached, for the Warlock to hold out and pass on.

“You made it!” Hawthorne took the booster with a grin and went back to the monitor, slotting the booster in. “Alright, let’s see if this works. Now if I read the manual right…” She paused and turned to the Guardian beside her, “there’s an incoming beacon…”

“Guardians… the City is lost… if there is any Light left in the system… we rally on Titan. Be brave.” The message repeated.

Evelyn had never been happier to see Zavala’s face or hear his voice, genuinely. Even if he had a difficult time with her mutism, he was still a respectable leader that would be able to bring the majority of Guardians in line.

“Zavala’s alive!? If we leave now, we can-” Starlight was interrupted by a rather angry tap on the console keyboard, cutting the message off. It was moments like this that she was glad she kept her helmet on so much.

“You are not going to Titan!” Hawthorne stepped closer, looking both angry and worried, but not for their sake. “We’ve got refugees coming in, the Red Legion on one side, the Fallen on the other-”

“But we have our powers back! And if we’re going to retake the City-”

“Your City is GONE!” The desperate look in Hawthorne’s eyes made Evelyn’s stomach drop. She knew what she was going to do anyway, but she felt a little guilty about it.

“Hawthorne…” Ghost continued, knowing how his Guardian felt. “We will be back. And we won’t be alone.”

The nod Hawthorne gave, as she walked passed, not looking at the Warlock as if she didn’t even want to acknowledge she existed right now, made her blood run ice cold. Her hand shook when she tried to reach out, but came to rest on her stomach as nausea set in briefly.

“You’ll know where to find me.”

She knew why, no one needed to tell her why, Hawthorne was angry. It was justified. Evelyn was the only Guardian with her Light returned, making her the best line of defense for the Farm. Leaving to Titan, a moon passed the Asteroid Belt, was going to take time, even with the jump. They survived for the week without her, but even that attack by the Fallen would have been far more devastating had she not shown up when she did, with her powers back. There would have been… bodies to bury.

Even though she knew that, and kept repeating it, that they were both right, it still made her sick to her stomach. Like she had unintentionally betrayed someone’s trust.

“Evelyn.” Starlight drifted in front of her vision, bringing her back to her surroundings. “I know… you might not want to see Hawthorne right before we leave, but we should tell Mede where we’re going. I doubt Hawthorne will be gentle about it if she was asked.”

They owed their Titan that much. For all her presence in Evelyn’s life the last few decades, she needed to keep up some line of communication. Who better than the most patient. So they flew back to the Farm, first.

Well, Ghost flew, since Evelyn had to focus on breathing. That look, passed her as if to erase her existence in some way, was one of the worst passive aggressive things she’d ever experienced. It brought pain back to those old wounds again, like having someone poke a fresh bruise and asking if it hurt. Maybe one day, she’d let Hawthorne _know_, but for the time being, there were bigger responsibilities to take care of besides her own discomfort. Things only she could take care of.

When she touched down, she didn’t wait to see what was going on and simply moved to the kitchen on her hunt for Mede. The sooner she got out of the Farm and into space, the less likely Hawthorne would have to look at her again before she left. She didn’t exactly miss much. Lord Shaxx was grilling some Rookies on how best to engage the Fallen, nothing new there, though he did notice the urgency of her movements.

Mede wasn’t in the kitchen, though someone was able to direct her to check the Infirmary or the basement of the Barn. The Guardians who had retained injuries the night before were fine, thanks to their Ghosts still being able to heal just a bit, but those who weren’t gifted with the Light, had to be looked after.

“Alright, help me elevate his leg a little while I wrap it up. It’s gonna take a while for this to fully heal, obviously, but you should be able to walk with some soreness in about a week, thanks to those supplies we just got in.” Mede didn’t pay any mind to the hiss of pain as she tightly wrapped the man’s calf and tied off the bandages. “We’ll need to replace these every day to make sure the wound doesn’t become infected. We might have some extraordinary medicine from the Golden Age, but no one’s found a cure for _sepsis_. Get some rest, sleep will only help you heal faster.”

As Evelyn entered the little infirmary, more people leaving than staying thanks to Mede’s hunt for medical supplies and personal knowledge, she got to see just how exhausted the man was. His wife, at least she assumed his wife by the way she held his hand tightly and the intimate pain in her eyes as she looked at him, nodded along to Mede’s orders as there was no way _he_ was going to remember any of that. The Titan said something else quieter to the woman and gave her an assuring squeeze on her shoulder before spotting Evelyn standing awkwardly near the entrance.

“What can I do for my favorite Sunsinger?” She asked as she approached said Warlock. Couldn’t say favorite Warlock. She “didn’t have one,” seeing as her boyfriend and her best friend were _both_ Warlocks. Echo, at least, was her favorite Hunter. Almost in spite of Cayde.

“We came back to the Farm to let you know we’re going to Titan, to find Zavala.” Said Starlight, dumping a bit of information out right there.

“To find… Zavala’s alive? Oh, that’s wonderful news.” She could read Evelyn’s body language like a book, however, seeing the uncertainty in the way her shoulders lowered and her helmet turned ever so slightly away. “Hey, Sunshine, don’t worry about us. The Farm has me and _Lord Shaxx_ . We might not have our Light back, but we’re not pushovers. We’re still _Titans_. Besides, he also brought his Redjacks, and they’ve only been improving.”

The shorter of the two still sighed, making Mede take her helmet off rather abruptly so she could look the Awoken in the eyes. It surprised her, but this was also basically the only person who could do that without any negative repercussions.

“Evie, sweetie. You’re doing great. What happened that’s making you feel like you’re not.”

“Hawthorne got mad at us.”

“Ah.” Mede handed Evelyn her helmet back and fixed her hair like a doting mom. “I can understand where she’s coming from, but… don’t let it get to you. She’s had to go through a lot, and… as Guardians, we’re in a bit of a privileged position. We’ll watch the Farm. You do what you feel must be done. Come back alive, and I doubt she’ll be mad about it forever.”

Evelyn nodded, still wrestling with a bit of doubt stuck in her chest, but definitely holding a bit more resolve too. Mede was right, which made her realize _she_ was also right, but it helped to get a second opinion.

“We should probably head out then, hurry to Titan.”

“Stay safe, you two. You _know_ I believe in you, but I’ll just keep saying it. Go get ‘em.”

When they stepped out, Mede stayed behind as she wasn’t done helping with the injuries just yet. The fresh air felt good on her face, so Evelyn opted to keep her helmet tucked into her elbow for a few more minutes before they left. They’d be in a ship for awhile, and then who knew what Titan was going to be like.

Without even realizing, she found herself standing on the edge of the field where Shaxx was now quizzing Guardians on how to deal with a Fallen Walker. Not a single one got the answer right. Ok, one of them was close. All of them said something along the lines of “shoot rockets at them,” but one of them at least said “hit the legs.” Then he saw her, standing there on the edge of the field and nodded in her direction.

“What do you think, Warlock? How do you deal with a Fallen Walker?” Her expression did not pass by him, though he hadn’t intentionally meant to put her on the spot. “You don’t have to use your words.”

With a look that was almost like she rolled her eyes, she took a breath and then gestured. First, she pointed at her legs, then she pointed down at the ground, finally turning slightly to point at the back of her head. Basically every single Guardian standing in front of Shaxx had the same look as if they had no idea what the hell she was going on about, which made him sigh in irritation.

“It’s not that _hard_, dregs…” Ah, he was a lot more irritated than he let on. “What she was trying to show you is that you hit the legs of a Walker until if goes down. Then you aim for the back of its “head,” where the engine, a vital point, is exposed.”

“Oh.” Was the collective response from them. Along with a few “yeah ok, that makes sense now” like muttering. Now she _really_ rolled her eyes. Some of her thought he only understood what she meant because he was aware she knew how to deal with Fallen Walkers, but then so long as you had any idea, her gestures were word for word to that simplified explanation. There was more to it, like not being in one location long enough to get shot by it; the thing was still a goddamn tank.

She noticed that Shaxx was still looking at her while the rookies muttered to themselves and decided to go with a whim. She pointed at him, then herself, and then thumbed toward the barn. A momentary look of uncertainty passed her face before she bucked up and tapped her lips. She wanted to talk to him. Whether that was literally or through text or Starlight was up to how she felt when she got there in the next minute.

After a few seconds, he seemed to come to some conclusion for whatever he was thinking and nodded. While she turned toward the Barn, she could hear him yell at the Guardians to continue their sparring until he came back. While several of them groaned, every single one of them went to it without question. Although, a few got some silly ideas in their heads, watching Shaxx follow after the _lady Guardian_ (whom they did not realize was the same one that saved their asses the night before).

Once she got into the Barn, in the back corner, away from everything else, she realized she didn’t actually know what she was going to say. Theoretically or otherwise. Like hell would she mention his presence in her dream, even if all she mentioned was her apparent fear of him dying? I mean, she still had no idea how to interpret her feelings when he was talking with Lady Efrideet, let alone why or _what_ the feelings were. Just that it made her sick and reminded her of something that happened even before she was mute.

“You needed me, Guardian?” He stopped a few feet away from her, not close enough to invade her space, but close enough to hear her if she chose to speak. The furrowed brows of distress combined with frustration reminded him that even if he had heard her speak before, it did not mean it would be just as easy next time. “Take your time. Those rookies deserve to sweat a little, I’m in no rush.”

Starlight came out, watching her closely as she took a deep breath. He could easily say it for her, but he was aware she wanted to try. He’d fill in the blanks if her voice cut out or the nausea hit her too hard. Even before she opened her mouth, her breath already shook.

“We… are g-going. To Titan.” Each pause was filled with breaths meant to calm herself and soothe the growing dizziness and nausea. Her volume was barely above a whisper, but this far back into the barn gave her just enough of an echo off the wall to be heard.

“Titan? What’s on Titan?” He knew well enough that if he asked the right questions, he got shorter, simpler answers. Normally, he only asked _her_ yes or no questions, but sometimes you needed to get a little more than that.

“ZZavala.”

“Ah.” He turned to Starlight for his next question, giving her a moment to put real effort into calming herself. She was ever grateful. “How do you know Zavala is on Titan?”

“The booster we helped Hawthorne with picked up an inbound signal. Zavala is rallying Guardians to Titan. I think his message was meant for those who were still out in space too.”

“And what do you plan to do?”

“We’re going to bring him back here, to the Farm.” Evelyn nodded to confirm, looking determined to continue speaking even though she also made a pretty good impression of a first time on a boat at sea.

Shaxx looked closely at her, thinking on something. Once the Warlock looked sufficiently calmed down, he asked one more question. To her.

“You don’t need _my_ approval, and your Ghost can clearly speak for you, so why are you pushing _yourself_ to tell me?” He asked very quietly, the gentleness of his voice reminiscent of his order in the tower.

The look on her face as she turned her eyes to the ground and clutched her hands together was like a child getting caught doing something. It wasn’t even something wrong, but they were caught all the same. Not guilt, though, not really. She just didn’t have an answer.

“I… don’t kn… know.” She bit her lip and clutched her hands tighter. “I… wanted… to?”

The question was so much more for herself than for him, and it was genuine, he could see that. He could _hear_ that. She just wanted him to know. The trip could potentially take days, let alone whatever happened on Titan, or any detours that happened on the way. Sure, interstellar travel was well off enough for people to get to some of his furthest arenas within minutes, but safety was much more important now compared to say, a month ago.

“Come with me, I have something you can take with you.” He turned toward his miniature armory that he managed to bring with him, gesturing for her to follow. Talking was exhausting for her, but not so exhausting that she couldn’t do at least that. Did make it hard for her to figure out in advance what he meant. So when he presented a sword to her, she was completely caught off guard. “I know how you are with Sniper Rifles, Evelyn. You won’t stand a chance without the right weapons, so I want you to have this.”

She took the sword and smiled, already very comfortable with the weight in her hands. Then she smiled up at _him_. Even after all the words she’d forced herself through, the warm feeling she was experiencing made it so there wasn’t even a little set back as she muttered a quiet “thank you” to him. Now, she felt like she could really get going. With a curt nod to Starlight, he transmatted the both of them into the ship and took off.

“You know… I realize something.” Her Ghost started, as they started the jump. “Hawthorne already believes Zavala abandoned her and the survivors. Now that we’re leaving…” No words needed to be said to express her feelings about the matter to him. “If we stayed, yes, we could help them survive, but… if Zavala really is building a counteroffensive on Titan, we can save them all, and take back the City.”

And that’s where she agreed. Why she felt the need to do this. They were coming back, and they were bringing everything with them.

In the time it took to complete the jump to Titan, Evelyn meditated, holding the sword over her lap while she collected her thoughts and rested her body. A Ghost’s healing only affected the body, not the mind. Sure, the mind was also affected by the state of the brain, chemical and hormonal balances, all that fun stuff. However, there were simply some things that went deeper than that. Simply by retaining memories, damage was done and behavior was changed. In fact, it used to be difficult for her to meditate so thoroughly. Now, she could practically black out the world and speed up time by her perception simply by sitting still, breathing, and collecting her thoughts. It was only her Ghost’s voice that roused her, not even the jolt of the ship as they slipped out of the jump.

“Vanguard Fleet: Guardian Ship seven-two-three is on approach. We received your beacon, and we’re ready to join the fight.”

“Guardian Ship, this is Zavala. It’s too late. The Hive have overrun Titan. I was wrong to bring us here…”

The Hive? Really? Of all the…

Evelyn placed the sword on her back and sighed sharply. Oh, she was going to show them so much Sword Logic. Even as the platform she landed on shifted with the methane waves, she was stable. No way was she passing up this chance to leave behind nothing but husks in her wake. It was _very_ personal.

“Commander, we’re here to help.” She jumped to the next platform as Starlight spoke for her.

“No! We’ve already lost too many Lightless Guardians to the Hive. We can’t secure this moon.” And she would take back, tenfold, for each Guardian they lost.

“_We_ have our Light back.” And she would use it to sear a burning hole in every Thrall, Acolyte, Knight, Wizard, Ogre, Shrieker...

“What? Impossible…” And she would prove it.

“Commander, if I may?” The new voice snapped her out of the more violent thoughts that rush across her mind, not that they weren’t justified, but she needed to focus. “Guardian, this is Deputy Commander Sloane. We have a counteroffensive to plan. To do that, we need to get this station up and running. There’s a fleet to prep, Guardians to arm, and a trove of intercepted Red Legion transmissions to decrypt. It’s critical we gain access to the station’s Control Center. That’s where you come in. If the Light really is with you, send the Hive back to hell.”

_Gladly._

“And Guardian… Please. Be careful.” Zavala added at the end.

She grinned, both for the delight she would find in slaying Hive, and maybe in knowing that she was being relied on for this. No pressure, right? It actually felt nice to be… needed. Nothing was going to stop her from proving she was the right one for the job. Not now.

\---

Traveler, what was he getting himself into? Alright, so he had intended to give her the sword anyway. However, he had not intended to be so, what… moved? By the way she _smiled_ at him? Lord Shaxx is not new to flirtation and desires, nor women or men who managed to meet his standards. He was, however, very new to people who managed to move him without even realizing the effect they had. There was no way she knew, right? She wasn’t just toying with him?

“Well, now. This is a sight. What could those rookies have possibly done to bring Lord Shaxx to such a ponderous posture?” Mede walked into the barn with a lunchbox in hand. To be fair, he really was hunched over with the face of his helmet in his hand. There wasn’t too much room for misinterpretation. “Or was it even a rookie who did it?”

“What do you want, Titan?” Of all the people to show up and ask him about it, it had to be _her_. She answered his question by holding the lunchbox in front of him. With a sigh, he sat up straight and took the box with a muttered, fractionally insincere thanks.

“You know, there’s always the chance I could _help_.”

“You couldn’t. Not with this.”

“I dunno…” she grinned and lowered her voice, “you certainly have the look of a man who doesn’t know how to confront his feelings.”

While she could not see it, she could certainly feel his glare. She was stepping into private territory, and while he might have been gentler to Evelyn about it, Mede could hold her own. No matter how harsh he was. Instead, he switched topics.

“Why haven’t _you_ gone to the Shard? It sounds like a Speaker’s tale, but it worked for your Warlock. What’s stopping you?” Now it was her turn to get a little quiet, her mischief dropping out of her grin.

“The people here need me.” She crossed her arms and looked seriously at him as she spoke. “If I have a chance to die a final death for a _chance_ to get my Light back, it’s not worth the loss to the Farm. I divide our rations, cook, and tend to the injured with the information I’ve long since memorized every day. Having my Light back would mean another line of defense, but… what happens if I fail? My fireteam would fall apart without me, and don’t get me started on my Hivebane. He’s already had to lose me once.” Her voice quiets further. “He doesn’t need to go through that again.”

Of course, she was right. They could definitely use a Titan with their Light on the Farm, but Mede fulfilled a greater purpose than that. It wasn’t cowardice in this case, but a healthy sense of realism. For the same reason he didn’t go and find out the truth of the Shard himself. He had the rookies to train, Redjacks to direct…

He stood with the lunchbox in his hand and started for the private room in the back. There wasn’t exactly dismissal to what she had said, but he made no move to acknowledge it either. She tried to reach for him as he passed, but then Mathile popped out, whispering that they had just received a message from offworld. Mede curled her outstretched hand into a fist and dropped it to her side.

“Lord Shaxx,” he didn’t stop, “if this is about Evelyn, you know she’s the exact person you can just _talk_ to.”

He faltered, stopping his march to privacy to look over his shoulder at the other Titan. She was serious.

“Not when the weight of the world rests on her shoulders.” He turned back to the door and headed inside, almost cutting off the last thing he said. “She doesn’t need me to add more.”

Once the door shut, Mede could only stand there and wonder if she did the right thing. She couldn’t claim to know the man all that well, not compared to Evelyn, their oldest member. However, she knew that Evie genuinely enjoyed his company and even spoke to him sometimes, something even she couldn’t get the woman to do at times. Echo had managed to help Evie train to shout combat orders in the Crucible, but social communication? It made the Warlock physically ill, so they just didn’t pressure her on that. If she spoke on her own time, it meant she was comfortable enough to force through the physical barriers that stopped her.

The Titan shook her head and headed to the lake dock for a few minutes alone. It was obvious to her that Shaxx was dealing with something he didn’t want to talk about, no matter how much she genuinely wanted to help. Sometimes, you just weren’t the right person for the job.

Once she sat alone on the edge of the dock, eyes set on the calm waters, Mathile popped back out for her.

“Do you want to hear the message, now?” She asked, her single eye looking up at Mede’s contemplative face.

“Do we know who it’s from?”

“It bears the signature of Echolalia-9.”

“Did you say the message was offworld?” Mathile nodded to the inquiry. “Yes, please read the message.”

While Mede had hoped it was from her Hivebane, it was just as good to hear from her _Hunter_. Echo was almost as much trouble as Cayde, only reigned in by the fact that the heart she wore on her sleeve outweighed her desires for mischief.

“There’s no audio, just text. Message received from Echo reads as follows: Rasputin is a No Go. Last time someone checked that out, SIVA got activated and nearly ushered in a terrible new force among the Fallen. There’s another Warmind on Io, and I’m pretty sure there are others there, so I won’t be alone. Pass this on to Evie for me would you?”

“Io? I wonder what she intends to do with that Warmind…” Mede shook her head and let herself smile a little. It was good to hear that she was ok, even if she was quite a ways away. “Is it possible to send a message back?”

“I don’t see why we couldn’t try.” Mathile’s shell spun as she thought about it. “That signal booster helps us get signals out despite the Red Legion and the Fallen in the area, and plus we can now receive offworld signals too. If I could receive her message, I see no reason we couldn’t send one back. It just might take a while.”

“Well, a while is better than never.”

“What shall I send, then?”

“It’s good to hear from you, Echo. Evelyn is alive and well, she got her Light back from the Shard of the Traveler in the EDZ and is, at the time of this message, out on Titan. Right now, only you and Evie are accounted for. If you see my Hivebane while you’re out there, tell him his _wife_ is worried sick about him.” She stopped, then nodded, signalling the end of her message. Mathile nodded back, spun her little shell as she usually does, and sent the message out.

“Message sent! You know, we could always try to send one to him too.” Mede shook her head at the idea.

“If he hasn’t contacted us, then it means something is preventing him or radio silence is important. Let’s assume the latter.”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

The two looked up at the sky, watching clouds pass by for a few minutes of peace before everyone inevitably finished eating lunch. She wasn’t as good at discerning meaning from nonsense or reading her instincts as the rest of her fireteam, but still, she knew everyone she cared most about were all out among the stars, doing what they needed to. She stood, dusted off her pants and smiled to her faithful friend and Ghost. While she helped everyone she could on Earth, in the Farm, she could only hope that they would all make it back to her in one piece. Nothing she could do to influence the fates, only hope. Sometimes it was all you had. All you could do.

\---

In the few days without Evelyn, the Farm was fine. As fine as it could be, anyway, when the most dangerous element was Lord Shaxx. You didn’t need to be his friend to know he was tense for some reason. It was making people antsy, like he was waiting for something awful to happen, but refused to let anyone know what it was. It was infuriating for Hawthorne, and just a tad frustrating for Mede. By the third day, Mede put her foot down and confronted him.

“Whatever is bothering you, Lord Shaxx, you are letting it affect your work. Everyone can tell you feel or think something is wrong, and it’s affecting them too.”

“It’s none of your business, _Titan_.” He tried to push passed her, but she didn’t budge. Didn’t help that she was about as tall as he was. “Move.”

“I’m not forcing you to talk about it, I’m telling you to get your shit together. It’s very much _my business_ , when the man who needs to stand as a pillar of inspiration to everyone here is so tense, you could cut the air with a _knife_.” At this point, she wasn’t yelling, but you could tell she was trying not to.

“No one tells me what to do.”

“Well, we seem to be at an impasse, because _I_ am.”

They glowered at each other, standing their grounds as stubborn and infuriating Titans. In a fight with their Light, he could easily beat her just by his experience, but she was crafty for a Defender, of all things. As they were without it, she stood a chance to kick his ass. Especially with how distracted he was. She was right to be angry at him, but he wasn’t about to _admit_ it. He didn’t want anyone in his personal business, not now. Not when they didn’t have the City, didn’t have a home, as nice as the Farm could be.

“It’s incredibly unhealthy to bury the things that upset you, but I’ve heard how stubborn you can be. So if you have to bury it, then bury it _deeper_. You wouldn’t let anyone else get away with how you’ve been behaving.” Her voice was low, threatening. She was pushing his buttons, but then it was only because he was pushing everyone else’s.

His fists were so tightly clenched, the material of his gloves creaked with the pressure. If he had his Light, sparks of Arc would be tracing over him. A growl almost escaped him as he opened his mouth to retort, only for Mathile to pop out with an urgent flash.

“Guardians, there’s a bunch of ships flying in and one of them is Sunshine’s!” She sounded excited, cutting through the anger and tension between the two Titans like it was nothing. As if she didn’t even notice the one sided bloodlust. Before Shaxx could even think to ask who Sunshine was, Mede already answered, finally breaking away with Evelyn’s name on her lips.

As the Defender finally disengaged, Shaxx felt his chest tighten. It was going to be difficult to face her as he was. Not with this distraction, not when he would _be_ the distraction. At least, he would step out to see who else she seemed to bring with her. As if to prove himself right, he was far too distracted, he nearly ran into Zavala as the fellow Titan was _entering_ the barn.

“Ah, Lord Shaxx. It’s good to see you made it out of the City.”

“The same could be said for you, Zavala.” The formality felt more forced now than it had ever before, and the Commander didn’t even notice. Or maybe he was giving Shaxx the benefit of no outward reaction. He was still _very_ tense, and this Titan didn’t know how bad it was, but he noticed enough to stay in his lane.

“What did you do to your _armor_!? Did you go to the _moon_!?” Mede’s voice cut through the awkward staredown between the Titans, giving Shaxx the opportunity to step passed to see what the commotion was about without needing to excuse himself.

“Well, Titan is _a_ moon, just not _our_ moon.” Came the reply of a familiar Ghost, Starlight. Evelyn had come back.

As Shaxx looked around, he realized there were quite a few extra Guardians standing around awkwardly too. They didn’t know what to do in an unfamiliar place like this. This wasn’t the City but it wasn’t hostile territory, so it was weird. At least for some of the middling aged ones. The newer ones were new enough that everything was usually a first.

Once he finally came around the corner, he saw a rather sheepish looking Warlock in stained robes. Stained and dusty? Why was she covered in dust? More importantly, how did she _chip_ the sword he gave her?

“I told her she didn’t need to use a sword against all the Hive on Titan, but she insisted. I’m pretty sure we put a sizeable dent in the population while we were there.” Starlight continued.

“And we call _my_ bond the Hivebane.” Mede laughed and dusted off a shoulder while shaking her head. It just seemed so ridiculous.

“Oh, Lord Shaxx. We wanted to thank you for the sword again. I counted a couple things, and she took down at least 20 Knights with it. I uh, lost count of everything else, besides the one Ogre, and a couple of Wizards.” As he recalled what he could, she took her helmet off and smiled. Slaying Hive had been so thoroughly cathartic for her, the stress of responsibility was no longer on her face, at all.

If his chest was tight before, it felt like he was having a heart attack now. Worst of all, by the brief flash of expression on her face, Mede _saw_ that. And she knew exactly why. Bury it, she said. Well he tried, and the much shorter woman before him had all the right tools to disarm him and resurface everything without even knowing. That she clearly had no idea, only made that worse. So he put his fists on his hips and reminded himself that he wore a helmet and could make whatever expression he wanted to. So he looked a bit like he was in pain, while his voice took on a different tone entirely.

“Well done, Guardian. Keep that up and we’ll have the City back by the end of the week!” Her silent chuckle and appreciative look to his praise was going to kill him before he could disengage and focus on something else. His Ghost wasn’t going to revive him from that. For once, though, Mede actually came to his _rescue_.

“Hey, why don’t we get you washed up and fix that armor. Maybe your sword too.” Mede put a gloved hand on one of Evie’s dusty shoulders to draw her attention away from the struggling Striker, which elicited a fervent nod in response. “Lord Shaxx, I think the new Guardians will need some guidance, if you have nothing better to do.”

“Of course.” He replied, quietly. The look in her eyes was no longer one of irritation at his behavior, but understanding. No pity to be seen. She simply understood. It definitely meant she was going to talk about it to him, whether he wanted it or not, but it also meant she was going to keep him from running himself into the ground. At least, _that_, he could be grateful for.

While Mede dragged her poor, dusty Warlock away, Shaxx turned to the much poorer Guardians who were about to get drilled on combat techniques. No point in being tense now. He couldn’t get out of his head that Evelyn might not come back, but she was back _now_. If she kept that up, much like her personal war with the Hive? Then he knew she would keep doing it. Keep coming back. And that… was all he needed.

For now, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My game keeps crashing while I'm playing Iron Banner. Help TwT  
I just need to get the helmet! Pls!


End file.
